...In His Hands...

Sweet TINY Emily!

2012-01-21T02:08:00.000-08:00

Baby Emily

5 lbs 81/2 oz. 18 in long, head 12 1/2 cm, chest 12 cm. Born on Monday, January 16, 2012- 1:51 pm

9 am - It was my day off, Martin Luther King’s day and I was sound asleep, sleeping in, when Anne called me at 9 am to say that our expecting mother's water had broken and that her contractions were about 5 mins apart. I laid back down for 10 more seconds, closed my eyes, and then the reality of what she has just said, hit me! I was an hour and a half away and her contractions were 5 mins apart!!!! I shot up, took the pups out to pee, brushed my teeth and was out the door!

11 am- I arrived at 11 am to their wonderfully old fashioned, romantic, rustic home. With children’s scribbling all over the walls, flower pots and religious art everywhere, and an LOVELY light yellow baby nursery. This home was so dreamy. Anyway, I arrived to Anne telling me that she was just 4 cm. A few hours later, I checked her and found; 8 cm stretchy to 9, 80% effaced, -1 station. SROM, cx 4-6 mins apart. She labored beautifully, her husband at her side. Only problem was, the bb girl was not low enough and asynclitic. We had her change positions and by 1:45pm she was wanting to push! She squatted on the side of the bed and pushed a few times and bbs HT dropped to 118. We gave her O2 and they quickly recovered.

About 30 mins later she said, “I have to go to the bathroom”, so I followed her, holding the O2 tank. She sat on the toilet, had a few cx and about 2 mins later, said...

“she is coming!!!” I jumped in the bathroom with her and put my hands underneath her bottom to catch the bb in the toilet. Anne came in and said, “get her on the floor”. I was a little disappointed! I thought this was going to be my first toilet bb!! Anyway, we got her onto the floor and I was ready with my hands underneath her as she squatted on the bathroom floor. One push, I felt the bbs head emerging. HEAD OUT! Then one more push at 1:51 pm and BABY OUT! She was the SMALLEST thing I have ever seen in my life. 5 lbs, 8oz and so so tiny! I feel that she was possibly IUGR. The placenta was just as small, as was the umbilical cord. Interesting considering that this mama and husband were both LARGE people; tall and big boned. Anyway it was all in all a wonderful birth!! PRAISE YOU LORD, thank you so much for allowing me to be the first to lay hands on your precious new child. I feel so undeserving Lord. All the Glory and praise to you, Father!!

Baby Emily, nursing right away!

OPAH!! The Greek Baby.

2012-01-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

Born on January 6th, 2012, to a beautiful mother. She is bubbly and easy going and so sweet! It was a warm thursday night and I had just gotten home from a long day of prenatals with Anne. Full of bellies, heartbeats, urine sticks, and measuring tape...I was glad to be home but excitingly anticipating the birth of Demetria's baby. Anne called me around 9 pm and said that Demetria's contractions were 8 mins apart, but because she lived quite far from me, I should get going soon. I drove and drove and drove down to Rancho Cucomonga where this baby was to be born.

Then I received the DREADFUL text, “baby born 3 mins ago.” Oh no! I missed her arrival!

Well, I arrived to the house about 10 mins later and I walked in the door and up the stairs to find beautiful Demetria laying in bed with her new 8 lb baby GIRL in her arms! Her husband lay beside her, beaming but tired. She looked radiant, not a hair out of place and all smiles. The whole house was quiet and calm and little baby Zeela was busy nursing away. Thankfully, my preceptor midwife has arrived before me to make sure that everything went well. About 30 mins later, I checked her perineum and she had a nice tear, so I sutured her up, using catcut sutures. It was a fine suturing job, and before I knew it, it was finished. She looked wonderfully back to normal.

A few minutes later, the dad, to now 3 children, took his newest addition over to the sink to bath her. It was the most precious sight I ever saw. She sat in the sink, held and protected by his hands as he gently washed her down with warm water and a wash cloth. She cried for a second, then realized that she loved every minute of it.

Did I mention that this family was VERY GREEK? Both mom and dad, full Greek and along with baby Zeela, they had two other children named, Zenobia and Zacharias. Such an adorable Greek family! We left only 2 hours after the birth and I was home before midnight! Thank You God for this family and for allowing me to watch such an amazing bond between a father and his daughter. And thank you Lord for baby Zeela!

Just one look in His eyes...

2011-12-03T23:08:00.001-08:00

Sometimes all I see are the weaknesses within me. And its overwhelming. And sometimes all I can feel is my sin weighing down on me...my Selfishness-Jealousy- laziness-impatience- pride- disobedience...among other things that need to die within me. I know what you are asking of my life, and Lord, it feels SO impossible. It feels like such a huge price to pay. I feel very incapable and I know I am. I don't feel smart enough, educated enough. Sometimes I feel that you are further than I would like to feel you. Sometimes Im stubborn and I don't understand what the next step looks like, so I question You. Sometimes I cry and complain and argue with You. Sometimes I question whether or not You will go before me, with me. I question whether or not you will protect us. I question if there will ever be an end, if this is worth it. I wonder what You are thinking and if You still love me just the same, even when I fall. I see what you have laid out before Colby and I and I look at our earthly resources and totally doubt. I see a glimpse of the road that we are walking down and the other way looks so much easier. I make lists of why this is impossible. I see the struggles that come along with this calling, and I weigh the price. I tell you, "Lord, I cant do this."

Then I look into Your eyes.

And I say YES to it ALL.

Im beginning to understand something. Something about the nature of a living, breathing, growing and ever changing relationship with God.

The more you see how much you need Him, the more time you want to spend with Him.

The more time you spend with Him, the more you fall in love with Him.

The more you fall in love with Him, the more you want of Him.

The more you want of Him, the more you ask of Him.

The more you ask of Him, the more He gives you.

The more He gives you, the greater the responsibility to share Him with the world.

The more you share with the world, the more you lay down your own wants, wills and plans.

The more you lay down, the greater the death of your flesh takes place in you.

The greater flesh that dies, the greater birth of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.

The greater the fruits, the greater the attack.

The greater the attack, the greater the suffering.

The greater the suffering, the greater the GLORY that is revealed in our King Jesus.

Even with the greatest attack....comes OUR GREATER GOD.

Our God's knitting skills.

2011-12-03T22:16:00.001-08:00

A stocking full of poo.

2011-12-02T00:14:00.001-08:00

I am serious. This guy (black and orange chiauwaha- however the heck you spell it) tests my patience to very core of my being. This is where he ends up most days, in jail.Laughing mixed with screaming and absolute rage as we find dried up old poops in our shoes is just the beginning. This is how it has been since day one. We bought him just a few weeks after being married, wanting to somehow "expand" our family. The first day we got him, he barfed and pooped all over my car. I thought he was sick (because I was) and wanted to turn around and return him. Now I know, that this is just Tiko. He is the child every parent DREDS. (I feel so bad at the same time saying all this, cause we really DO love him, we are just completely grey now from him- no biggy) We find shampoo bottles under the bed....old socks in the shower, my “undergarments” in the living room and even our thanksgiving mini pumpkins in his bed. The other night, I was chopping up veggies, making stir-fry for dinner and every once and a while I would see him pick up something off the kitchen floor and run with it into the living room. I just ignored him. Colby came home, walked up the stairs and said “what is this?!” I went out into the living room and found a PILE of veggie scraps. He had been collecting the little chopped veggies that had fallen off the counter into the floor. He was apparently making his own stir-fry. Mine wasn’t good enough. We find these weird/bizarre things everyday. NEVER a dull moment. I think this is why he was on clearance for 80 bucks flat when we bought him. There’s your sign.

BamBam on the other hand is PERFECT. Well trained. Crosses his T’s and dots his I’s. Perfect. He is my adopted son and I love him! Colby trained him and spent countless hours teaching him to roll over, stay, drop it, leave it, go lay down, sit, jump, goes on and on. Tiko constantly chews on his face. Poor Bam. Bam gets a beef bone and a few toys for Christmas as a celebration of Christ’s birth. He has been good all year. Tiko gets a stocking full of (coal) his dried poops that he leaves under the piano. Merry bow-wow Christmas!

A birth of a time, was had by all. Baby Maddy!

2011-11-28T13:20:00.001-08:00

It was the night of Thanksgiving and Colby and I had just crawled into bed around 2am. Full of turkey and yams and STUFFED with stuffing. I couldn't have been more happy to be snuggled in my own bed about to pass out from gluttony. But, in the back of my mind I knew that a client of mine and Annes was due any minute now, in fact, I was surprised she held off on Thanksgiving day. Then there it was....she called at around 3am and said that her water had broken. Mind you, this mama is a G-6, P-4. meaning this baby was going to be her 5th baby. So hearing that a water has broken means, "Birth.PRONTO." Only problem was, I had a 2 hour drive ahead of me. She lived in the desert and I had not a second to spare. I woke up Colby, and because he knew I had not gotten much rest, he jumped out of bed, made me coffee and offered to drive me there. (YES,I know, I married the most amazing man!) So we drove and drove and drove until we reached our home. A quiet, small home covered in orange trees and fallen leaves. I walked up the pathway and into the home. I found her in a rocking chair drinking mint tea. “She looks too happy to be in labor”, I thought. I did an internal exam on her to find her at 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. She was well on her way!! This family I have adored from my first prenatal with them. A spirit filled family of 6 with so much love, personality and gentlness. Each one of their children, all under the age of 13 had such a uniqueness about them and I wanted to hang around them all day. All home schooled, all brilliant, and all personality! The youngest girl, Samantha was my favorite. She looked about 5 years old but was a feisty 7 year old. She was tiny, tiny with big blue eyes and huge curly red hair with the vocabulary of about a 30 year old. She was hilarious. When I arrived all the children were asleep still except for Elizabeth, the oldest, who was going to help her mom deliver the baby. She was thrilled, to say the least. But time just kept ticking and NO baby.......6am.....8am.....10..am....noon..2pm.....6pm.Dinner. She was still only 7 cm. At about this time, we were concerned that our mama was getting exhausted. Never had a labor of hers taken this long, and plus her water had been broken this whole time which could soon be a cause of concern for infection. So we set a time. 10cm by 10pm. We all agreed. ..8pm...Nap..9pm....at about 9:30 she called us into the room. “Im ready to push”. We smiled with joy and relief and put on our gloves. Everything else was in place (the O2, the meds, the emergency equipment...) She called all the children into the room, and they came RUNNING! “Its time! Its time! Come out baby Maddy!” They all jumped on the bed with pure excitement. “Ok, John (10 year old), you hold the video camera “got it!” , Samantha, your job is to hold this towel and put it on the baby when we put the baby on your mama’s tummy. “OK!” she smiled. One push- head out. Samantha screams in shock and runs out of the room crying. “Samantha its ok! Its just the baby’s head” We yelled out the door. “Im going to throw up!” she yelled back!! hahaha! One more push at 9:58 pm and 6lb 13 oz baby Maddy came sliding out into my arms. GLORIOUS!! She was beautiful! Round and short and oh so TINY! By this time, all the children were back in the room and there was not a dry eye in the whole house. Including little Samantha who was crying out of shear joy and fear. The father lay next to his wife and new baby and wept over this tiny precious new life “You did it babe, she is beautiful.” He cried. I cried. We cried. Even little John, Elizabeth, Samantha and Joshua cried. And of course baby Maddy was crying too. “Hi Maddy, welcome to the world.” Her siblings greeted her wet, tiny, new body.

A little visit to Marshalltown, Iowa!!!

2011-11-28T00:35:00.000-08:00

Visiting Kayla in the BEAUTIFUL State of Iowa!! It was a pretty spare of the moment kind of trip. I bought my tickets and 3 days later landed in the peaceful, simple, fall-colored town of Marshalltown, Iowa. The feeling that hit me when I walked out of the airport was so familiar and peaceful that I completely felt at home! So there I was, sitting and waiting for Doobie outside of the airport while she was walking back and forth behind me, looking for me. She didn't notice my dark hair and I forgot to tell her! HA! But once we saw each other, we hugged and laughed and it was like we had never even parted. Total soul sisters. These photos are sort of out of order....but here they are!!

The town Doctor raises goats on the Hatch's family farm and yes...that is a DOG is the midst of the goats. I went over to the fence to pet him and Kayla says, "Oh no, T! You cant pet him. He thinks he's a goat." I almost died from cuteness. Apparently this big, burley, beautiful pup was raised with the goats, eats and sleeps with the goats, plays with them and protects them. He changed me world. SO CUTE.

The town Doc. He has also done work with Kayla's family's orphanage in Sierra Leone, Africa.

Some of the many Africans that live in Marshalltown.

Kayla and I found an amazing 1950s juicer at her family's thrift store for 5 bucks!! It worked to well and we made fresh carrot, orange, plum, and whatever we could find, juice!

Drinking fruity ale at a restaurant in downtown.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, WE will wait upon the Lord!

2011-09-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Waiting, waiting...That seems to be the theme of this year for Colby and I. We sit together and day dream of living among God's children, orphans, widows, the poor and sick, teaching them about Jesus, and helping to bring their babies into the world. And yet, God calls us back to our little home here, in California, with our two puppies, BamBam and Tiko, and brings us to our knees most nights, praying the rosary with lack of words to tell Him what it is exactly in our hearts that we long for....But oh, He knows ;)

I can't say that this is the most exciting season to be in, in fact - Im bored stiff! And patience and discipline seem to be a weakness I never knew I had until now. I guess you learn something new everyday! More than one person has told us that this is a time where God is building character in us before He sends us out. He is teaching us discipline, faithfulness and patience so that on the mission field when we face hardships, loss, fear, attack and whatever else may come our way- we will have this character engraved in our bones.
Jesus, you know this is the cry of our hearts, so do what You know to do!

Its kind of funny, come to think of it...I see God teaching us these things through the simple, everyday stuff. Huh...Like for instance, our little garden. Ok, I hate and love to garden. For one, I hate waiting- I cant wait to see the fruit!!! I will run out every morning, when I let the pups out to go pee, to our tiny patch of freshly fertilized dirt mound and to my disappointment, which seems like every time---- NOTHIN! Nothing but a few dinky seeds hidden away from the sun, taking their SWEET time. In fact, I hate waiting so much that I will just make a Walmart run and buy the actual plant with the fruit or veggie already sprouting.
And you know something...? While I was busy running around planting these already sprouted bushes of life, I didn't notice the tiny kernel of corn that I had planted in the dirt next to the pavement. It had began to push forth through the dirt! About an inch tall, bright green, and as perky as ever! Happy to be alive! That corn has not stopped growing. 7 gorgeous, luscious cobs have sprouted and are ready for picking and eating any day now! Oh the joy of waiting patiently for the fruit of something that I was a part of planting! Now, I see the joy and waiting for that precious fruit. The taste of long awaited life giving food. The excitement of feeling the accomplishment, the finish line, the end product (until that corn becomes the seed of another). I know, I know, I sound insane talking about corn this way. But God revealed this to me and it makes so much sense. This is how it should be in our lives! Waiting for what He has, waiting for that long-awaited precious fruit after hours of laboring........work, prayer, tears, hoping, wishing, seeking, fasting......Oh Lord give us grace to continue to hold onto your promise!

"But as for that seed in the good soil, these are the people who, hearing the Word, hold it fast in a just (noble, virtuous) and worthy heart, and steadily bring forth fruit with patience."
Luke 8: 15

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God" - Colossians 1:10

~My Very First Filipino Catch~

2010-12-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

Miss Gloryfher, G1 P1, 18 years old came into the clinic at 10am while I was on day shift. She was 40 weeks and 6 days and as sweet as ever. She was having mild contractions lasting 50 seconds , every 3 min. I did my first IE on her and I could immediately feel the baby’s head, 8 cm dilated, 90% effaced, buldging IBOW with contractions, post font, sutures from 9-3 o’clock, and head at 0 station.

With that said, she breathed beautifully during her contractions while I took her vitals. Everything was normal and I was ready to rock and roll with this baby mama!!
I went to check baby’s heart tones but before I could she stopped me and said, “I want to push!”
I said ok with a quivering voice and I hurried and put a pair of gloves on my jittery sweaty hands.
I looked down at her yoni and saw slight vaginal opening and called my supervisor in asap!
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Baby is coming and its all me!

My supervisor came in and the baby’s hair was beginning to show a little. “Are you ready to catch a baby Tiara??”
“Yes.” I whispered and smiled at her. “I’m ready!”

She really started to get active and push and so we breathed and pushed together. I was so focused on her face, trying to breath with her, making sure she was ok, that my supervisor had to remind me to keep an eye on her in the opposite direction to make sure I didn’t let that baby hit the bed!
I got her on the birth stool on the bed with her bana behind her, to support her from behind. She had a low pubic bone so sitting on the birth stool helped open up her pelvis. The baby’s heart tones dropped while on the birth stool to 80,70,100. So we immediately did head stimulation to the baby and perineal pressure before baby’s head was crowning. We would have transported her if the baby’s heart tones stayed low, but because the baby was already crowning, we had no choice but to deliver this baby NOW!

I moved her to the bed on her back and she pushed his head out very nice and slowly, NO TEAR!!! Woohoo!
I checked for nuchal cord…nothing.
I waited for the baby to rotate and he rotated to the left, LOA position. Then his shoulders came out and I helped guide them out, gently maneuvering his body up and down, up and down.
One more small push and baby boy was out!!! It was 1:08 pm. He slid right into my arms and he was so tiny! My first time receiving a newborn baby straight from the safety of his mother’s womb into this big bright world! Welcome love!! It was unreal! Ah! I placed him on his mother’s bare chest and she immediately loved him!

At first he was floppy and blue with mild caput on his head and his eyes were bulding out. He was not crying and he was completely cyanotic all over. His APGAR scores were not so hot…4/10 and 6/10. My heart skipped a beat and everything I had been studying the last 2 months came flooding back to me. It was surprisingly just my natural in stink!
I rubbed his back while the birth assistant immediately gave him free flowing oxygen and waited for a cry. I was not going to breath again until I heard a cry! At this point…even a whimper would do. We waited and waited and waited……………………………………then a CRY!! WAHH! WAHH!! WAHH!! Thank You Lord!!!!
I took a long, deep breath…and relaxed just a bit….
The placenta delivered with no problem, thank God, and her bleeding was within normal range.
I weighed the baby and he weighed 5lbs 11oz! Tiny little chicken nugget. I noticed he was a bit small for his gestational age, and looked very disproportionate. His arms and legs were flimsy and skinny and he looked like he was a little malnourished. He was just too small for a 40week 6day GA. I was concerned and had my supervisor come and check him out. We determined that he was an IUGR (Intrauterine growth restriction) baby and also SGA (small gestational age). He looked very week and fragile. But I loved him and knew that after referring him, he was going to be ok. He was my first catch and I was going to make sure that he thrived and had the best care possible.

I learned more then I thought I would with my first catch and I had my first experience delivering a baby that did not breath right away. What a day! Thank God Dr. Lu, the pediatrician that we refer most of our babies with complications too, took wonderful care of him and he began to grow beautifully in the next few weeks. Thank You Jesus!!

~Princess Tiara Colby~

2010-12-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

Birth in Davao, Philippines. The most memorable birth ever!

The clock hit 2pm and I was officially on swing shift. Her name was Lyzel. She was a beautiful Filipina pregnant woman. Her and her bana (husband) were endorsed to me when I walked into the birth room and onto swing shift. I had noticed her during endorsements, walking around. She wore a purple dress, matching earings and a perfectly clean, pulled back ponytail. She looked radiant. Her bana was walking beside her. He was wearing a black wife beater tank top, had a few tattoos (which is a little rare to see in a poor city), and stripped bleach blonde hair. It was obvious that they both took pride in their appearances, even in the stress and excitement of expecting a baby VERY soon!

She was 4cm dilated when she was handed over into my care. After doing an IE on her, she was now 6-7cm dilated, 70% effaced, +1-+2 station, IBOW and enjoyed walking around a lot. I walked the stairs with her because the baby was asynclytic to the right. (head was not placed evenly on the cervix). She also had a cervical lip that was cause from uneven pressure on the cervix. After about an hour, I was severely winded and had to lean up against the wall and while gasping for air, tell the fully-pregnant woman in active labor, to go on without me. (Don’t worry, after this I bought a gym membership to the local gym in the city.)
Lyzel would go up and down the stairs, from the birthing floor to the prenatal floor on the second level, over and over and over again. The entire time with a sweet smile on her face and only stopped briefly to breath through a huge contraction. Unbelievable.
After a few hours, Lyzel and her bana came back into their room and she sat on the bed and labored there for a while. Us three sat and talked, laughed and joked all the while I was tracking the progression of her labor next to her on the bed. They spoke very good English and asked me all about my family back home, how long I would be staying in Davao, and how much I missed my boyfriend who was all the way across the world. I was surprised at how much information I told them, considering most women in labor are usually not up for a family history/personal love story detailed conversation.
I told them Colby’s name and they kept looking at eachother and saying, “Colby! Hahaha Colby, I like!”

I asked how they met and she smiled, looked at him, then at me and said…
…”Mam, we met a dance club here in Davao and he is a professional dancer for clubs. Then we became friends. Then one night, was had too much to drink, and now we are having a baby. But we are still just friends.”

I almost fell off the bed in shock.

…. “So you are not married?”
They bursted out with a laugh, “HA! No! No mam!”

She flirted with her “bana” or “dancer” or “baby’s daddy” (not sure what to call him) the whole time even when getting closer and closer to transition! She would push him lovingly when he would tease her and they would both laugh and laugh. She would flip her ponytail around and smile at him and every once in a while, check to make sure both earings were still on. Hilarious to watch this happening, it was. I was just dying to see how this interaction would change once she would begin to push! I could just picture her flirty shoves, turn into rage and pain-filled, shoves throwing him across the room once this baby started crowning.

Transition came and went, with a few deep breaths, curling of the toes and long quiet moments, and she still looked lovely with her bana friend at her side. Now the baby’s head was visible at the birth canal with pushing! The cervical lip was still present and as the baby’s head was emerging, the lip was causing the uterus to drag down with the head down through the pelvis, so Ate Eliah had to hold back the lip while the baby’s head emerged out of her Yoni. Baby was now crowing. I took over and did perineal pressure because she was so tight being that this was her first time giving birth. The baby’s head emerged with a nuchal hand (hand was up pressed against baby’s face) and the baby restituted to the left. I maneuvered all of this 5lb 10oz beautiful body and this little girl was born! It was now 9:14pm. She was stunningly gorgeous! Just like her mother! She was pink and perfectly chubby even for being such a petite baby. She had puckered pink lips and light skin and BIG brown eyes. She didn’t look much like a Filipina!

They stared at her with wide eyes and then back at us just to make sure everything was still normal, (they could tell by the looks on our faces). And yes, everything was perfect. The baby girl latched on right away to her mother’s breast and her daddy watched in amazement. Perfect.

After I delivered the placenta and her bleeding was assessed and under control, I asked the new parents what they were going to name their new addition.
And Lyzel replied, “What is your name again mam? We want to name her after her midwife.”
…I wanted to cry… “Tiara” I answered.
They both looked like ‘oh crap, we now regret this decision.’
“Chhhiaarra, Tara, Tchiara…” They desperately tried to pronounce it.
I jumped in and said, “I know. My name means princess crown, so you can always call her Princess!”
They loved the idea, but did not want to drop their midwife’s name still.
SO, they decided on Princess Tiara.
AMAZING! Just when I thought this couldn’t get any better, the bana looks back at me and says, “mam, what is your boyfriends name again? The name we like?”

…”Colby.” I smiled.

“That’s it. That’s the name.” He said. “Her full name is now PRINCESS TIARA COLBY!!”

I couldn’t believe it!!! “Are you really sure??” I asked.
“YES!!” They said, holding her in their arms.

Ahhhhhh! The joys and blessings of being able to be a part of this new families life! (and Colby too!)

Welcome, baby Princess Tiara Colby!! And sorry for the name. My bad. ☺

Placenta smoothie anyone???

2010-12-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

I know, I know....Not sure about it either. I can't decide if I want to laugh, cry or vomit. This was requested by a mother. What can ya do?

Placenta Smoothie recipe:
2 scoops chocolate protein powder
3 cups soy milk
1 chunk of raw placenta
1 cup ice
1 cup chocolate ice cream.

enjoy?...I guess.

Heeeeey Juuuuude…..

2010-12-04T19:47:00.001-08:00

My preceptor woke me at 2:45 in the morning. “Hey hun, baby is coming soon, get here as fast as you can.”
I woke up in a hurry, threw on jeans, a top, brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back in a ponytail. I called my fiancé and told him what was up, and I was off!
“Lord, don’t let me get lost”, I prayed.
I arrived at the cozy home 15 mins later. The house was warm and comforting. The smell of coffee and fresh bread haunted me, making my mouth water. I wanted to curl up in a ball and go back to sleep and at the same time I felt like someone had just given me an injection of epinepherin (pure adrenaline).
I walked into the bedroom and saw our laboring mama. She was in the pool, floating on her back, head and ears submerged and blowing bubbles in the water every time a contractions came on. So cute. She was so composed. The second I walked in she looked at me and said, “Hi! Help yourself to a cup of hot coffee and some treats on the stove!”
I couldn’t believe it! Here she was in full-blown labor wanting me to make myself at home and be taken care of! Haha. I thanked her and said that maybe a little bit later, (like after the baby was born) I would help myself to cup of coffee.

She labored beautifully and her husband was a sweetheart, helping her through every contraction and encouraging her through each one. While she labored, we boiled some hot water, and steeped some tea and herbs for her to use later.

After about an hour, she was fully dilated and ready to push! She pushed out the baby’s head under water, and as he restituted, he opened his eyes and looked all around. Amazing!
With one more push, his chunky little body flopped out of her, into the water and floated up out of the water into her arms.
A baby is born! Glory to God! Heeyyy Juuuddeee…..

After the baby was born, we waited for the placenta. And waited. And waited. And waited. An hour passed and we had tried a few different positions to help the placenta come out. Squatting, standing, laying on the bed…. NOTHING. Then the bleeding came. And Came. And came. Still no placenta. The midwife decided that a bimanual removal of the placenta would be too risky because of the bleeding. After 20cc of pitocin (a medication to stop bleeding), and still no placenta, the bleeding finally subsided but the placenta was still not out.
We told her that we would have to transport her to the nearest hospital for retained placenta, and she was broken hearted. Her mother and I laid hands on her and prayed for her that the Lord would comfort her during this time and we reassured her that He was with her and would never leave her.
She had peace again and was ok with going to the hospital. We called for an ambulance to transport her and so they came and got her.
She was taken care of and recovered beautifully after they had to surgically remove her placenta.
All in all, it was a wonderful labor and birth with a not so wonderful ending. But God was with her and she knew that. Thank You Lord for being with us through it all. And thank you Lord for a healthy baby and healthy mom!

Baby Rylan's journey into the world!

2010-12-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

The midwife called me around noon and gave me the heads up that our client was in early labor! I had been waiting and waiting for the call, so this was wonderful news!!
I began my journey down to Lake Elsinore (2 hours away), where this baby girl was to be born.
By the time I had gotten there, the midwife had already taken vitals and did an IE (internal exam) on her and she was only 3cm. She was barefoot, dressed in a little sundress was she was all belly!

They were a young couple, newlyweds! They had been married for 2 years and were madly in love. The most amazing thing about this birth was that both mothers, the mother of the laboring woman and the mother of the father, were both present, waiting with such helpful, loving hearts, and wanting nothing more then to help in any way, big or small, usher in the life of their new little grandbaby. At first I thought this might hinder her labor because sometimes without even realizing it, a woman’s labor can slow down or even stop when too many are present and they feel that they have no privacy. But not this time. There was such peace that it was hard for me not to cry watching these two servants of the Lord, run around, selfless, wiping the sweat beads off their daughters forehead during contractions. What family. What love.

Because she was only 3cm, we left to grab some lunch and relax before things really started to pick up.
We got a call around 3:30pm that her husband had been timing the contractions and that they were now 3 mins apart and that she was in the birthpool now. PERFECT!
We jumped in the car and set off back to the house. When we arrived, we checked her again and she had progressed to 8cm!
She labored beautifully and at about 9cm she started to go through that wonderful transition to being fully dilated. This for some women is the hardest part of labor. She began to cry and say, “Please, I can’t do this! It hurts too bad! Please God make it stop! You guys, Im sorry but I can’t do this…”
Before I could even attempt to make an effort to comfort her to tell her that she could do it, (ya…me….the one who screams for a vicodin for my period cramps..) …her mother jumped in, laid her hands on her bare back and began to pray aloud … “Oh Jesus, we lift her up to you Lord. Please Jesus give her the strength to push this baby out and bring your daughter into this world! Jesus give my daughter strength!” By this time, we are all in tears as we stand there, watching this mother, impart peace and ask the Holy Spirit to come help her daughter help push out her daughter. Three generations before the King of Kings. Three generations brought to life out of love and love multiplying itself.
Her husband also jumped in the conversation and wrapped his arms around his vulnerable wife and held her, whispering in her ear words of love and encouragement. His mother said, “lean on him, Julianne, your husband is here for you, lean on him when you don’t have the strength!” And she let out a huge SIGH and leaned back on him. He caught her and loved her.

Of course by this time, I have tears shooting out of my eyes and all I wanted to do was grab a video camera, sit back with some tissues, maybe some popcorn, and get this amazing, timeless moment on camera, but I know that that moment will forever be remembered. Such love.

After she was, what seemed to be, fully dilated, she wanted to hop out of the birth pool and onto the bed. So we let her
lead the way. As soon as she hit the bed, she looked at us and said, “I’m ready to push.” “Ok.” We said back.

She pushed and pushed and seemed to be making little to no progress bringing that baby girl down. The midwife did an exam to see if she could find out what was going on. What we found was a cervical lip from 1-4 (clock point of view). The baby could not come all the way down out of the cervix because some of the cervix was not being pulled back over the baby’s head. So during pushes, the midwife and I would take turns holding back that little part of cervix so that baby Rylan could come down fully.
After doing this with 3-4 more pushes, baby Rylan finally got past the cervical lip and was now crowning!!

My preceptor and I switched places and I was in the line of fire to catch this little girl.
Earlier, we had a feeling that this was going to be a posterior birth, (baby will come out face up), due to the nature of her labor. Her contractions were a little irregular. From 3 min apart to 5 min, to 4 min to 5 min to 6 min to 3 min then 3 min and so on…but yet nice and STRONG! So we prepared for that. Its not a dangerous position to birth your baby in, but can be a little more painful for the mom.

Finally, baby Rylan’s head emerged….I held it back gently so she would not tear. Then her little body came sliding into me arms! What sweet bliss! A new wet, slippery little baby! Her APGAR scores where 9/10 and 10/10. Beautiful. She had a full head of jet-black hair, fair skin and blue eyes. She was simply gorgeous. 7lbs and all baby. Thank you Jesus!

The Bob Marley, almost water birth.

2010-12-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

In the Bob Marley Den…Little Baby Pheonix entered the world.

FIRST BIRTH BACK IN THE STATES!!!

It was around 11am and I was at work (cutting away at skin cancer and making slides) when my preceptor midwife called me and said that our client, a young, client, G-1, P-0, (first pregnancy) was in active labor and I needed to head over to her apartment as soon as possible. The midwife and I had talked about the fact that because I can’t leave work early, for any reason because I am helping in assisting surgeries, that there was a chance that if she could not find another birth assistant at that time, then she would be attending this birth alone. This can be a little scary for a midwife because after birth, you now have TWO clients and lives in your hands with only one pair of hands to attend the both of them. So, almost never do midwives attends births by themselves unless there is no other way….

The midwife said she had told the Lord, “Lord, please send someone, I don’t want to do this alone.” And just then a friend midwife of hers called her and said, “Don’t worry, if the Lord wants someone there, someone will be there.”
Just then I called her and told her that I had gotten my next work shift covered (which is normally not easy) and that I was on my way!! She cried with joy and amazement at God’s faithfulness.
I arrived to the apartment excited and nervous as this was going to be my very first birth in California since I had arrived home from the Philippines (months ago) and my first time attending a homebirth! Even though I was only assisting with this birth, my heart was racing with anticipation for what was about to unfold.
I felt a little rusty even though I had attended many births before and caught a few babies just a few months ago in the clinic in Davao and with an OB/GYN here in the States.
This was NEW; in the complete privacy of a young couples home that I had never met before. And here I was, parked outside of their place, frantically changing out of my work scrubs into some more casual jeans and top that I had put in my car just in case, and praying that no one would walk outside!
I walked up to the door and could hear from the window our mama in labor, moaning away, sounding very active. I walked into the tiny, one bedroom apartment and the smell of incense was overwhelming. The sounds of Bob Marley softly played in the background, filling the place. The place was dimly lit only by candlelight and I noticed chuck pads laid out on the floor in the TV room, covered in birth supplies…gauze, sterile gloves, bulb syringe, umbilical cord clamp, you name it. This wave of a familiar, peaceful feeling came over me…”Thank You Jesus.”

The midwife came out of the dark bedroom where our mom was laboring and we talked a little before I went in to go meet this new family.
After discussing where the oxygen, pitocin, and other emergency supplies where kept, she led me into the bedroom where the birth was to take place.
There she was. A young, beautiful, very pregnant woman, lying in the birthing pool, eyes closed, breathing heavily during her contractions. She had a few tattoos and a nose ring that would every once in a while, in the right angle, would reflect the light of the candle that sat on a small table beside the pool. Her boyfriend sat beside her, next to the edge of the pool, breathing with her with every contraction.
It was so dark I could hardly see where I was going. I was terrified that I was going to trip over a cord or bottle of massage oil and fall into the warm pool of water, landing head first next to this woman.
I introduced myself to her and shortly after she started pushing! She pushed hard and good and after about 5 pushes with little progress in the pool, we got her out and had her try different positions to see if we could get the baby to come down more. After moving around, she somehow ended up on her back on the floor and wanted to stay there, with her boyfriend at her head, talking to her and pushing with her. Shortly after, head was 3cm visible with pushing!! Heart tones stayed beautiful and strong. With a few more pushes, some perineal pressure, and one strong mom…..tiny baby Pheonix’s head was out! Then one more push and his whole, 8lb body came tumbling out! Oh the joy of new life!! He took his first breath of air and cried. Welcome baby boy. He pinked up right away, while his mama cried, “look! Look! Our baby! Our baby! Look! Ohhhh my baby boy!” We all cried with joy at this new little life!

…….And there is was again, the same familiar feeling of unbelievable joy and peace when a baby is born into the world. When the presence of the living God fills the entire house and wonder and love somehow takes on an entirely new meaning. Praise You Lord for the life that you have breathed into us.
For so long, since I had come home from the Philippines, I thought my dream had died. I thought that the Lord would just have to find something else for me to do, that it was just not possible to start all over again and live still completely in the will of the Father and what I knew He had called me to do. And yet, it wasn’t true! Our God is still the same God here at home as He is all over the world! Even on the mission field. He is still the same! What joy that even when we are convinced that something is impossible, He says, “Nope. Not impossible. Never impossible” ……and there is was, watching this woman, nurse her newborn baby, staring at him in awe and wonder, and his father, watching, learning, like a child himself, and now falling in love with his very own son…….I never thought I would really be in this place again. At least not for a long, long time. And yet, there I was, and there it was, the evidence that God is still alive, still cares, still knows us, still loves us, still keeps His promises, still is the Great I AM. The fact that He never gives up on us, whether or not we know what He is asking of us, what He is saying, even in our disobedience and doubts…He is BIGGER. He is a GOOD GOD. I don’t know how I even got back into midwifery, well, no, I do…HIM. And the fact that He is FAITHFUL. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts…and Thank God for that!! …….It was about this time, when I realized that God wants you to have it ALL. The joys on earth, the joys of your heart!! Its all YOURS!!! And its all FROM HIM!! You can be in love, follow God, and follow your calling!!! What Joy!!!

A few minutes following, her placenta plopped out and we were happy. She recovered very well and immediately after we got her tucked away with her baby in bed, she asked for some In-n-Out Burger, so that’s exactly what she got! We left the house that evening two very tired midwives. Two very JOY FILLED, tired midwives. Welcome baby Pheonix, child and servant of the living God who loves you beyond measure.

ENGAGEMENT DAY!!!

2010-12-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

My love and I.

KAYLA (Doobie KK) Came down from Davao, Philippines to visit!!

2010-12-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

My Soul sister. I love her so much and Colby and I miss her like crazy!! Can't wait for her to make her way back down to California again to be in our wedding this March!! Love you my beautiful sister!

2010-12-04T17:10:00.000-08:00

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.

2010-12-04T16:59:00.000-08:00

Colby and I at Tiff and Bri's wedding.

Colby and I at Unlce Fred's Cabin last 4th or July, our first together!

RECAP!

2010-12-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

I realize that there are many birth stories that I have not shared on my blog yet!

To be honest, this last season that God has just now been showing Colby and I the end of, has been wild. He has taken us through a valley, covered in a blanket of jungle, and surrounded by snow covered mountains. Make sense right? Ya. That’s how it’s been. Its been a season of sadness and joy, extreme highs like getting engaged to my soul mate, and extreme lows… feeling that the next time I would ever even get to be in the presence of birth, would be a long, long time. I cried…feeling this calling, what I thought…slip away from my hands and die. I thought that because Colby had placed a ring on my finger, a ring that symbolized our promise of love to each other, a promise to grow old together, have our own babies, live, love and learn together, serve Jesus together, to give our lives completely to each other, that I had to choose one or the other. Little did I know…and little do I still know.

Oh the sweet feeling I get when I look down at my finger and see our promise of love! I would never have it any other way. And I will forever cherish this season that I have gotten to meet Colby, fall in love with him and realize that we could not live without each other. And if the Lord did ask me to choose between one or the other, my love for Colby FAR outweighs the other, no question. Colby prayed with me and supported me through this process of how and when and what God wanted to make out of this. I leaned on him like crazy. Sometimes I feel like I put him through hell, and yet to me he was heaven on earth. With all the questions and doubts and reaching out I tried to do, but never really got anywhere, yet still he was there. And there he stayed…a solid rock, comforting and reassuring me always, that God is in control…wait on Him. Colby has been Jesus to me in countless ways. And I know not just to me, but a lot of others too. I can’t even put down in writing how freakishly blessed I am to have him as my soon-to-be husband. Sometimes I look at him now and all I can think is, ‘seriously Lord? This is him? I get to keep him? Oooohhh myyyy…’
However my heart longed. Longed for Jesus to use my hands again. To feel tears run down my cheeks again, from watching a man and woman see their daughter or son for the first time. I know that this is something that I have seen a lot of young men and woman struggle with….they feel as if they have their “calling”, then fall in love and everything changes. They don’t know how to balance the two…what if my partner doesn’t feel called to this? How do the both of us stay in the Lord’s will when we feel called to different things? I know I still feel that God is asking me to open up clinics around the world, what if this isn’t something Colby feels called to? How do I submit and respect my husband but still live in nothing but complete obedience to the Lord and what He is had called me to do?
Even though Colby is completely surrendered to the Lord and would go anywhere and do anything for Him and for me…I still wondered… ‘Would it be fair for Colby to feel that he is just following me around the world? I do not want this, Lord.’ I cried out day and night. Lord, How can I do both??? Show me.

Well, lets just say, He wrapped the answer in a box, put a huge red bow on it and threw in on my doorstep…

Addressed:
“To: You (you know who you are)”
“Love: Your Papa God who loves you.”

That’s when I met the two midwives who would take me under their wings, full of wisdom, patience and love. And who would teach me everything they know. That’s when the births started coming…one right after another….

2010-06-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hello again to all my loved ones!! Well, as most of you know, the Lord has released me from the Phillippines and I am now back in sunny Cali for the time being! After weeks of discerning, talking to mentors, praying with Colby, and crying myself totaly dry, the lord spoke to me one night while I was laying in my bunk bed in Davao and said " My daughter Tiara, I release you now. Go to Colby." and the very next morning, I told the directer that I would finish up the semester then I would be leaving Davao. The transition back to the States was all of heartbreaking, relieving, and an overdose of anticipation all at the same time, not knowing what the Lord was and is going to make of this life, that belongs to Him...next! I have come home to be with Colby so that when and where the lord calls us next, we will follow.... Together!! I know that He gave us the option whether to finish school in Davao and be apart, doing ministry and living separate lives, or, we could decide to take a different route, a complete leap of blind, deaf faith and JUMP! Head first. In a lot of ways I fight off feeling the sense of "moving backwards" being back in the U.S, but I know that it's no true, I know that God is faithful and if He put Colby and I together in the way and time in which He did, and if being apart for 5 months only made us stronger and more secure of who we are as a couple in Him, then it's a simple choice... Serve Him together, or apart. And we chose together! SO... My midwifery route has taken a different route all together, starting with nursing school! But I am not worried about it anymore, it is all in His hands and Im not speaking metaphoricaly! It is literly in His hands and I know that if He has called me to be a widwife... Then all I gotta do is be simply faithful and obedient in the next step!

With THAT said!!....On to the new stuff! A few months after jumping a few flights across the world back home and landing in colbys driveway in a forex shipping box ( I jumped out when he came walking from his house to look at the box thinking it was gifts that I had sent him, considering he wasn't expecting me for another week! I thought I almost killed the man I love by giving him a full blown hert attack because I scared him so badly)... Colby and I were engaged on March 31st, a windy, sunny day... the day after my 23rd bday!!! On top of a wild flowerd covered hill in Peters Canyon, a place where we spent a lot of time hiking and talking ( and kissing) before I had left for Davao. It was the amazing!! He secretly put the ring in my wallet and blind folded me the entire drive there!! After He proposed anD I answered " of course!!" we decided on having a march wedding in 2011!!

My first Delivery! Baby Boy!

2009-11-14T05:24:00.000-08:00

I was in the clinic at 10am on day shift. She walked in, young, smiling, pregnant and pleasantly active in labor! Glory was her name. She’s 18 years old and 40 weeks/ 6 days pregnant with her first child. She was having mild contractions lasting 50 seconds every 3 mins. I did my first IE (internal examination) on her and she was 8cm dilated, 90% effaced, 0 station, with a very posterior cervix. I could feel the BOW (bag of waters) buldging with each contraction, ready to break at any moment. I could feel the babies sutures from 9-3 o’clock. She breathed beautiful through her contractions while the babies heart beat stayed normal and consistent (136, 140, 130). Before I could take her vitals one last time, Glory wanted to push!! I had her lay down on the bed and checked to see where she was, and boom! Babies head and hair was visible! I threw on my gloves and we breathed and pushed together. We got her on the birth stool because she had a low pubic bone and this helped open up her pelvis. Her bana (husband) got behind her and supported her while she pushed. He was young, terrified out of his mind and shook more then she did. He kept looking at me while she would scream like “Ma’m is this normal?!?” haha! I kept reassuring him that this was all very normal, and to keep breathing! After a few pushes on the birth stool, the babies heart tones dropped dramatically. From 140’s to 80, 90, 70, 68! So while she pushed I rubbed the top of the babies head to stimulate him and at the same time applied perineal pressure so she would not tear. Right before the baby’s head was crowning, I moved her back into supine position on the bed where she pushed the baby’s head out nice and slowly…no tear!!J I checked for nuchal cord, and there was none! The baby natural restituted to the left, then I helped guide his tiny shoulders all the way out, gently maneuvering him up and down until all 5 lbs, 11oz of him was born!! A tiny new baby boy! Aw the glory of new life! He came out blue and floppy with mild caput on the crown of his head. He was not crying yet. After a few seconds of stimulation, a wonderful wailing cry burst forth from his lungs!! Praise you Lord! We gave him free flow oxygen and placed him on his mamas tummy, where she met him face to face with wide eyes in amazement of this tiny new life that was growing in her for 40 weeks and now she was seeing him!! He was a little small and malnourished looking, after assessing and examining him, we realized that he was an IUGR/SGA baby, but none the less healthy and adorable! All in all it was a beautiful birth! Thank you Lord!!

He Loves with an OUTRAGEOUS LOVE!

2009-10-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

Kayla, Julie and I were sitting on the wall of the pier at Magsaysay Park one afternoon, dangling our feet over the edge of the water and talking pictures of some little kids playing in the water when this man approached me and asked us if we would be interested in buying any of his jewelry. He was selling a few pieces of jewelry, not much, just some pearl necklaces and earrings and some copper and silver bracelets. I wasn’t really interested in buying anything and said no thank you and then asked “Unsa imong naglan?” “what is your name?” to the man, and he told me “Salamat” which means thank you in Visayan! I saw something in his face, some little bit of hope rising up in him and it was so evident that the Holy Spirit was starting to speak. The man had the face of a servant, a gentle hearted servant and Jesus’ love was all over him. He was old, with deep wrinkles and missing teeth, and yet so beautiful and precious to the Lord. He looked as if he had lived a long, hard life, but did the best with what he was been given. He looked hungry and tired. I didn’t know his story of where he came from but I knew that he had to know that God loves him with an outrageous love. I really didn’t want to buy anything, I was running out of money and time and nothing of his really stood out to me, but it was so evident the desperation in his eyes. At this point, it wasn’t about the jewelry, or money, it was about love and something more, and he knew it, he knew we had something else that he wanted….not money…but, JESUS, the Name above all Names….JESUS!
So…after he half-heartedly talked me into buying a pair of pearls earrings and a few bracelets I asked him “Magampo ka?” if we could pray for him? He said “yes! Yes!” As if he had been waiting for it! Expecting it! So, laying a hand on his shoulder, he closed his eyes and the Spirit of God came down upon him…like a wave…it washed over him and Jesus touched him…. His love came pouring out, almost knocking the both of us over! And we stood there for a minute, basking in the Lord’s peace and in awe of what just happened. I opened my eyes to see what was happening. Salamat had his eyes closed and his hands open down by his waist. He looked like a little child, deep wrinkled and weary and yet like a little child, waiting to receive what his Papa God had to give him, and realizing at the same time that he deserved nothing. After a few more minutes, the man looked up and smiled and he had such light in his eyes!! He thanked us again and walked away, not sure what to do with what just happened! Haha! A few minutes later, we where piled back on the jeepney (bus) waiting to take off back home when the man came up to the window behind us and got our attention. I turned around and through the window, he handed me a pair of pearl earrings, beautiful pearl earrings, probably his best set, and he shook his hands as to pay him nothing in return. He was smiling ear to ear and wanting nothing in return for them! To him, the Lord had just changed his life, changed him by showing him His love for him, and Salamat knew he would never be the same. And even though he didn’t have much, just a few pieces of jewelry, yet he wanted to give back to the Lord his finest pair as a thank you to Him. He had NOTHING to give back to God and yet it was EVERYTHING! The man walked away, knowing he was loved. All of us drove home in the back of the jeepney in awe of Salamat’s gratefulness to the Lord. No wonder his name means ’Thank You!” Oh how the Lord delighted in this man! What an outrageously loving God we have!!!

I miss my monkey!

2009-10-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

I love you Colby! I miss you!

2009-10-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Baby Boy Rike Lelouch....Assist number 7!! Baby number #22!

2009-10-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Is was around 12:15pm and I was sleeping deeply on night shift. It was quiet and still in the birth room. All the lights were out and only the light of the moon coming in through the windows, filled the birth room, giving all the empty beds a warm glow. All the midwives were asleep, and I remember thinking before I fell asleep, “this is going to be a good night! I’m feeling good Lord, so anytime you are ready, bring on the babies!”….then I rolled over and passed out.
The gate opened and a beautiful pregnant mama (G3/P2) named Maria Angela came in fully dilated and ready to push! Within a matter of seconds...every midwife had jumped off the bamboo couches, flipped on the lights and led her to the birth bed. Except for me...the assist...who apparently hasn't mastered the skill of keeping "one eye open" in the birth room! I was still happily sound asleep, probably drooling and dreaming of only Lord knows what, while the midwives where running past me, grabbing supplies and every time calling louder, "Tiara! Miss Tiara! wake up! wake up!" It wasn't until I heard "BOW (bag of waters) 2 cm visible without pushing." That I woke up in an instant, ran over to the counter, threw on gloves and threw open the curtain, just making it in time as the baby boy's body came sliding out! His mom yelled “Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!!” As he came out! Haha, I bet she was so thankful that it was over! Half asleep, I grabbed a towel and bulb suction and wiped away the membranes from his face and dried his tiny new body, then suctioned his mouth and nose a few times to remove any mucous and membranes that could constrict his small airways. He was a beautiful baby boy! Looking around at everyone the second he opened his brown eyes. I gave him APGARS of 8 (-1 for color/-1 for muscle tone) and 9 (-1 for color) as he was a little cyanotic until about 6 minutes after birth. It wasn’t until after I had clamped the cord and the bana had cut it, that I looked down and realized that I had NO shoes on! I forgot to put them on in the hustle of the whole situation! Haha. Omg! The Lord really does call us to things that are beyond us! Haha!
Jane, the midwife who caught baby Rike, and I did a head to toe newborn exam and took his footprints. He weighed 6lbs 6oz and was incredibly aware of everything going on around him and was so attentive to us examining and palpating his little body. He had slight molding along his sagittal sutures (overlapping of his parietal bones during birth from pressure and pushing, which is very normal), and he was 48cm long! A short little guy! Wide eyed and awake, he talked to us through the entire exam! He was so so so cute!! I couldn’t get enough of him! His mama laughed as he made funny cooing noises and looked over at her every time she would call his name. He knew her voice! All in all it was an amazing birth and I must say it was SO worth waking up to! :)

2009-10-11T00:32:00.000-07:00

2009-10-11T00:20:00.000-07:00

I have gotten to assist with four births already! They were simple, beautifully normal births and so rad! I got to give APGAR scores and do vitals on baby right away, bulb suction baby, and finally feel important in there, haha. Things have been really good, just studying a lot and being with the people here. The Lord is breaking my heart more and more for them. He loves them so much.
I went running this morning early by myself to the market and I ran by a lot of people sitting on the road, so dirty, so broken, begging for food, and all I could do was smile at them but I wanted so badly to tell them that I loved them. That Jesus loves them and so do I. That I cared and I wanted to sit in the dirt with them and visit with them, but I couldn’t, I just kept running by. I just kept running.....I couldn’t stop, I know if I did, I would not leave. I don’t even know why I didn’t, but I didn’t. what good does a smile do? they are hurting so bad, they need love, hugs, someone to listen to them. that SOMEONE loves them, anyone. anyone at all. another humans company. any human contact, connection, love, anything! they are not trash, they are beloved children of the Living God! Christ died for their sins too, they get to have life abundantly too! they get to inherit His kingdom too! He has not overlooked them. even though everyone else does, even myself, everyone that just keeps jogging by....and jogging, and never stopping, afraid that they might get dirty or sick or whatever.

I don’t want to run by anymore, I don’t want to. there was this woman, sitting outside the catholic church that I go to, she was on the ground and I saw her talking to herself and rocking back and forth, in her own world, super dirty, filthy, sitting on a piece of wet cardboard, her clothes all stained and torn, her hair was all matted and gross. she looked whacked out of her mind, really and truly insane. I passed by her and she looked up at me, her eyes so desperate for someone. I made eye contact with her and smiled and said mayyao buntag! good morning! and she looked at me, she snapped out of it, someone made a connection with her, and she stopped rocking, stopped talking to herself, and she became human with another human for that tiny moment. she was waiting for the next thing, more talking, maybe I would stop and visit, maybe something. And, then I just kept running....and I didn’t look back...and I could feel her eyes looking at me, hungry for love, attention, anything! and I kept running....... it must hurt the Lord so much. so much. The next time, I will stop.

2009-10-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

I know the Lord is doing so much right now in all of our lives, it seriously blows me away. He is so faithful. He is our strength and refuge. I really don’t know what I would do without Him, I can not live or breath or move or have my being, none of us can.
There is supposed to be another huge monsoon hitting here again, please pray for families and their homes. There is so much desperation here and the Love of Jesus is here, even stronger just waiting to be received. He is waiting with His whole heart open and exposed to His people here. I think they are so humble and have such a fear of the Lord that they don’t know how to come to Him, fearing that He is mad at them for their sin and brokenness, they are ashamed, and so He comes to them, He walks over to them and embraces them....their sin and all. and they fall in love with Him.

The other morning, like around 6am Kayla, Jenna and I went running and ran to the open market to take fruit home with us. In the market, we were completely overwhelmed with begging little kids. The kids had scabs and open sores all over them, missing hair, no shoes, snotty, and big bloated bellies and were touching us and reaching for the food we just bought telling us "humto ka! humto ka!" I am hungry! I am hungry! They were water gypsy kids and their moms would stand back and tell to go beg the white people. There were people crowding in on us from every direction asking for food and to touch them, it was making me physically sick, it was so overwhelming and we felt like we couldn’t breath....and I asked the Lord, "what Lord? what do I do with this? you love your people, let me love them right now. they are desperate" Then we began to lay hands on them and pray for them and the spirit of the Lord took over...they did not see us anymore.....is was Jesus in the flesh and spirit...they got to meet Him, some for the first time. We didn’t even have to speak, He did all the talking….it was silent and yet you could see Him speaking to their hearts. Our hands became His, our faces.. His face. We disappeared completely. It was so beautiful to see the Lord respond to their needs...He came, and filled them.
He reminds me everyday why we are here....He keeps us on our toes!! haha. actually, I don’t know what I am talking about, He knocks me on my butt everyday! Awww! I love following Him, through it all, the pain and blindness, its all worth it, to see even ONE PERSON be touched and changed by the living God!
I’m going with Julie, my housemate to a Muslim village soon to do some prenatal check ups on some Muslim women. We have to dress really covered up, long sleeves, long skirts… to not stand out, even though they know we are Christians, they don’t like Christians and wont let them in their village but because we are midwives and they call us "doktoras" they let us in. I know the Lord is preparing the way ahead of us...I can feel it, His spirit doing things already, preparing hearts already. I cant wait to see what the Lord is up to in this village with these people that he loves so deeply.

2009-10-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

2009-10-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

2009-10-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

A baby with no name and a nucal cord X3!!

2009-10-10T23:21:00.001-07:00

My first continuity patient birth! Midwife Joy and I had her for a few prenatals and then got to deliver her gorgeous little baby boy! It was really funny, the mama named Julie, pronounced "July" was so sweet and talkative. When she first came in, at around 12:30pm, I got a text from Joy to come on over to the clinic, so I came and she was 8cm dilated, 70% effaced and wasnt too active at this point. Once she wanted to start pushing, we said ok, and she gave one little push with her next contraction and said "is it over? Is baby out now? " haha. We said "uh, not quite!" Not more then 20 mins later, baby boy was crowing, then head out, then all 6lbs. and 14oz, came flying out! He had a nucal cord, wrapped around his neck twice and once around his arm and back, pinning his arm against his back. He was a little acrosynosis at birth because of lack of oxygen, but did so well! and recovered pretty fast, crying really strong and loud. APGAR scores of 7 and 9. He was making his mama laugh so hard at the noises he was making! He sounded like a pigglet and talked so much, even while bathing him, he was cooing and sighing and talking! so so cute. He looked exactly like his papa, who couldnt be there for the birth because he had to leave to go to work, but he came back after we had moved her to post-partum and he just stared at his baby boy and smiled...for a long time, falling in love with him. Before sending them home, Joy and I prayed for them and the Lord poured out so much on them, I could see Him lifting them up into His love, covering them, giving them peace and rest....He is so faithful and loving. It still leaves me in awe....why He allows us to be a part of His love people and miracle of life, I dont think I will ever fully understand...it runs so deep, so much love, so much mercy and passion for His people. GOD is GOOD!

2009-09-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

2009-09-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

2009-09-08T01:19:00.000-07:00

Sept 7, 2009
Its about 1:30am here, I got off birth shift around 10pm and have been talking to the girls and my supervisor midwife Carmen all night. We have been studying like crazy and have been completely consumed with birth. Tonight we studied outside in the heat of the night by only candle lights and the sound of crickets. Things have been crazy to say the least. We have our first exam on Wednesday and have so much information to cram into our brains it physically feels impossible! But I know its not, I can feel the Lord making room! haha. Tonight all of us midwives got to vent and cry with each other. After studying, we sat and ate bananas with peanut butter and drank buko juice, and talked about the struggles and hardships that come along with this calling, one that is so hard to express to people looking in. But also the joy and depth of love that seems to pour out of a part of our hearts that we had never recognized before. Why the Lord would entrust us with his people? Two lives at one time even! It leaves us speechless and completely convinced that we are not qualified enough nor strong enough emotionally to take on such a calling. Yet, we are. And we are in it for good whether we think so or not! haha. He is our strength. He is our hope. He is what sustains us and these woman and their babies. He’s just choosing to use our hands and teach us how to do it. My supervisor midwife, Carmen is incredible. I have learned more from her then she knows. She is patient with me, yet firm. She keeps me in line and has taken me under her wing. She is 24 years old and has been a midwife for only four years, and every midwife here will tell you that she is by FAR the best. She has delivered almost 200 babies and can hold her ground! She wears a scarf in her hair at all times, never a stitch of makeup, and is naturally beautiful. She grew up on a farm and milked cows her entire life up until a few years ago. She is strong-willed, yet reasonable, and comforting but also honest. She has challenged me a lot to keep growing and seeking the Lord and to never give in when I feel weak, but to cry, brush off, and keep moving forward! She knows who she is in the Lord and will not let anyone take that away from her. Watching her delivery babies leaves me in awe. every time. Her gentleness. Her confidence and wisdom, I just try to absorb it all before the moment is over and we are on to the next thing. I have learned so much from her and can only hope that I will be half the midwife that she is. She told me tonight about a time when she told the Lord that being a midwife is too much responsibility and that she was going to give it up and go back to the farm. It was about 3 years ago when a woman had walked into the clinic only 23 weeks along and pushing actively. Carmen had no choice but to throw some gloves on and catch this tiny baby. So she did. It fell into her cupped hands and didn’t move. He was limp and pale and lifeless. She held him for a while. She gave him to his mother and she walked out of the clinic and cried. The Lord told her "Carmen, I will never give you too much that it will destroy you. Follow me, still". And she has. Even after seeing such hard things, experiencing life and death to the fullest, she has continued to walk on and follow the Lord with all that she is. She is my teacher for the next two years and I am so blessed by that!
Today, my shift started at 2pm and I walked in the birth clinic with a laboring mom who was fully dilated with her babies head 3cm visible! She was a first time mom and looked faint and weak at this point. So I took a seat on the bed next to the midwife on duty. She is a Filipina Midwife and her name is Atte Elsa. She carries this peace with her like I have never seen before. The woman had been pushing for about 6 hours at this point, in active labor, and the head still remained in the same place, so discerning whether or not to transport her was not an option, we had to. But before we did, the midwife endorsed her to us, the new midwives who had just come on and so normally when we are endorsed patients, we pray first before the new shift comes on. So, having to pray we started praying for her that the baby would descend all the way so she would not have to be transported. The baby dropped all the way the she was crowing within 10min! It was amazing to see the Lord work so fast. She delivered a beautifully pink baby girl! The first baby girl that I have gotten to witness being born here! The first three have all been boys. She named her Ayiesha which means, "rejoice in life"! She was so perfect. Healthy heart tones, breathing, reflexes, everything! And the Mother recovered amazingly well. For being so exhausted from pushing so long she was a fighter and didn’t stop until her first child was out to safety! This birth I got to do much more then I had anticipated. I took all the vitals, charted fetal heart tones during a critical time of the mother pushing, and helped bathe the baby! It is really fun, cause after a while, we encourage the mom to get up and try to use the Ihee or peepee, they call it. And while they are going to the bathroom and being moved to postpartum unit, I get to baby-sit! I cuddled and held her for as long as I could, I loved it!
We also had two transports tonight. One woman came in pushing at 36 weeks gestation, which is pre-term (anything under 37wks) and her contractions were right on top of each other, so we loaded her into the back of the ambulance and took her right away. she was a strong woman, really young, like 21, and didn’t show one ounce of fear, and text messaged the entire way to the hospital, stopping everyone and a while to let out a short breath during the peak of a contraction. really funny actually. We also transported another young woman who had ruptured bag of waters but was not making any progress. She also was young, but I could see the fear in her eyes. She didn’t want to be transported and I don’t blame her, the hospitals here are the LAST place you want to end up. It resembles death to a lot of them. You might as well be taking them to a morgue. We don’t transfer here often, but for some reason every time I am on shift, we have been transporting a lot! makes me wonder sometimes...anyway :)
Things have been moving along, and fast too! I’m learning more then I can keep up with and sometimes I don’t even know when the mental capacity of my brain will go into overload shock and I will go brain dead! haha. But I’m loving it. I can not put into the words how much of an experience this has been already. It goes deeper then deep and this is only the beginning.
Its all for the glory of the Lord and if I do go brain dead, I know He will STILL receive all the Glory!

2009-08-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

I am living in Davao City now with fifteen other young women, split up into two houses next door to each other. The women are all amazing and we immediately become like family after only a few days of getting to know each other. All of them come from different walks of life and have absolutely incredible stories of what the Lord has done in their lives and their hearts in order to get them to the Philippines. From South Africa, to Switzerland and California to Idaho…different languages…cultures and callings, and yet we all have one thing in common; we desire to be heart-felt, well-educated, rural living, independent, confident, freely-loving midwives! Ready to serve the Lord at every moment, and take on the world one baby at a time!!
The weather is so hot and so humid and sticky and tropical! It rains and pours and thunderstorms almost every night. It is wild! Dancing in the rain has become a nightly ritual and after studying for 6 hours straight, it fills us up and cools us down!!
The clinic that we work in and study at is called Mercy Maternity Center and is next door to our home. The windows next to our beds are directly across from the clinics birthing rooms, so we get to fall asleep to the sound of laboring Filipina woman every night and wake up to the screaming cry of a baby taking its first breath! It is unreal. Probably a nightmare to most normal people, but for us, its music to our ears! Haha!
Already we have been given the chance to minister to many women and children, take visits to the local hospital where we will eventually transport our own continuity patients in an emergency, camp out on the beach on Samal Island (ridiculously gorgeous, and the home to any visitors, just a 10min fairy boat ride away from Davao!!). We have gotten to watch and assist with several births, begin taking prenatal, learn a new language, live with the people of Davao, and bond with locals and our supervisor midwives! Things have been busy, busy, busy!!
As for Davao and its people, there is much poverty and desperation here. The other morning, I had left my house at around 8am to go to the clinic and two little boys were outside of the gate picking through heaps of trash on the side of the road. They had no pants on, no shoes on and were looking frantically for something as if it had been waiting there for them and they just needed to find it. I realized later that they were looking for food. They were hungry. That sort of thing is normal here and knowing that we are not here to “save” Davao but to live here, learn and love the people with our whole hearts, and help in any way that we can, almost leaves a feeling of hopelessness sometimes. We can not help every single person and fix every single problem, there are just too many needs, too many desperate eyes and mouths begging for money while you walk in the market…we are all only humans, we too are weak, with the same needs, maybe not the same physical and financial needs, but emotional needs. We all need to feel and know that we are loved. We need to feel wanted and to know that someone cares about the way we feel inside. We need to be seen and heard. We need to know that we are forgiven and set free!
All we know is how to give Jesus. To walk in His Spirit. To pour Him into others and to live and move in Him, in His promises and His Kingdom, one that does not look like this world, but is brought down to this earth so the King can be revealed. To introduce them to the King that gives beauty for ashes and strength for fear, gladness for mourning and peace for despair! And He knows how to do and give everything else…even the needs that we cant see.
Many of us students spent the first few nights crying ourselves to sleep because of the overwhelming compassion that weighed on our hearts, that we didn’t even know we were capable of feeling with our own limited, self-seeking hearts. We didn’t know we could love a people so much that it physically hurt. Jesus has been breaking our hearts for His people. To truly see them. To look at them with His eyes, hear them with His ears and speak to them with His voice. It has changed us forever, and this is only the beginning.
But even in the midst of the suffering, there is a great, deep abiding joy in their spirits. They are filled with light and they love freely. We have been transformed by them, not just by their perseverance in hardships, but the overflowing love and hope that spills from their hearts. They are strong, and steadfast. They love their God, and they have taught us in everyway that no matter what another person has said or done to you, you are to love them. Simply because God says so!
They have welcomed us into their country with open arms and have made us feel at home! They are hilarious and fun and even after an emotionally hard day, with hearing certain phrases 10000000x a day, such as, “MAAYONG BUNTAG PUTI!” (Good Morning white lady!!) and “Maaaam, do you have a bana ? (husband) Can I be yours?” You cant help but smile to yourself and laugh with wonder why the Lord would ever choose YOU to do this, here, on the other side of the world! Haha! He is the God of surprises!! And His joy is our strength! There hasn’t been a day that goes by that the Filipinos have not taught us how to laugh at life and never to take yourself too seriously!
But to laugh and love and honor God and your neighbor before yourself and to eat as many fried, sugar-rolled bananas as you can before you die!

Where Do I begin??

2009-08-22T22:46:00.001-07:00

MAAYONG UDTO!!
Thank you so much to all who have supported me and are continuing to support and pray for me! No words could ever describe how blessed I feel! I have been showered with nothing but love the last month and I will never forget it. I know that even when I do feel alone, I am not alone, but the Body of Christ is one! We have eachother to lean on, to cry on, to laugh with and rejoice with. The love is overwhelming! Know how much I love you all and I will try my best to keep you updated with pictures and journal entries. Well here I am Lord! Living in Davao City in the beautiful Philippines.A place I never thought I would be living for two years, if you asked me 4 years ago! I should know by now that you are a God of surprises, just when I think Im going left, you tell me to right, flip a u-turn and drive off the cliff.

The journey here...well lets just say, that it has completely thrown every single one of my expectations out the window. I never knew the trials and tribulations and heartbreak that I was walking into...and yet... I have been set free. My heart has been healed in the breaking, and the Lord has become greater in the trials and tribulations. makes alot of sense right?!? haha. Im not sure if it has really hit me yet. I see my flesh and it is crying out for something other then this, this is painful, and yet I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am where the Lord has put me. I left the man I love. I left the family and friends I know and love. And it hurts. But I know that Jesus's joy comes in the morning. I know that his mercy and grace is enough. It covers my mistakes, my short commings and failures. And He gets to be God once again. He has brought me to a valley...
This has been the hardest, lonliest, most challenging, painful time in my life. I feel my flesh being seperated from my spirit. I can feel my heart breaking in pieces and in places I never knew could break. I feel at times that I have no hope, no freedom, no more love, no more life inside me. Dry, and broken before God. The God that created the very girl that sits and weeps at His feet hungary for Him, needing Him, dying without Him. I know it sounds crazy, haha but I had NO IDEA what I was in for! I am dying right now. really and truly there is a death taking place. BUT I know that there will be a resurection!! and I hope soon! haha. cause it hurts! I didnt know when Jesus said, "You must take up your cross my daughter and follow me..." that he litteraly meant a cross! I can feel my cross, its big and has splinters and sits heavy. I see my flesh and sin hanging down from it, sometimes dangling right above my head. To where its all I can see. But I know that He is able, He is faithful to complete this work in me. I know that this pain wont last forever. I cry most of the day everyday. Cry with laughter, with joy, with grief and grieving being away from everyone I know and love, cry with the pain of dying to my flesh and what I really want, with compassion for the people, with lonliness and with no other reason then to cry and cry hard!

This really has been so so so so hard. haha I dont know what else to say! I can either tell the Lord that its too painful and go home to the man I love, to the family I love and be comfortable again and continue with the same prayer "Lord, I want to serve you and give you everything" Or I can embrace the pain, run with it, cry with it and let the Lord strip me, day by day, hour by hour, minute by mintue and let him make me into a servent. Embrace the lonliness and stop running from it and let Him find me in it. My biggest fear, biggest fear biggest FEAR..is to be alone. And here I am, in a valley and the thing I fear the most has come. My heart rejoices, only for the fact that He is working in me. working and working and yet I tremble trying to grasp on to the girls with me and yet, they slip through my fingers. No one is left but Him. Me and Him. Him and I. dancing in the valley of bones. My head on His chest, my feet on his feet, slow dancing. as I cry and tell him why I am afraid to be alone. and then I realize, that I am not alone forever, but in this season it is needed. so that I come to know our God. Our God that led His people into the dessert only to set himself up to be glorified. only to take care of them and provide for them. only so they would come to need Him with every fiber of their being. Only to be our food and water and shelter. He is my only food, water and shelter here. I am naked and broken and thirsty and hungry, and yet...here He is....haha doing a work in me I never thought possible.
I never thought possible. ever. never. No one told me it would hurt like this haha! I had no idea!! but yet my soul is filled with a knowing, not even peace or joy yet...but a KNOWING. That I KNOW Jesus. I know my God. HE is GOOD. HE is FAITHFUL. HE is HOLY and STEADFAST. HE is GENTLE. HE does not condemn. He does not leave us in the valley forever. He forgives and forgets. HE lOVES even the worst and ugliest and weakest of us! I KNOW these things. Even when I can not fathom them. cant even recall why or how I know them, Yet... I KNOW. He is JESUS. HE is the one that takes us and carries us to the Father, and lays us at the alter when we cant walk. JESUS. JESUS. He is the answer to it all...all...everything. All our needs as humans.
We are such desperate people. We need Him.

There is so much need here. So much. mostly spiritual. I see people walking around, living without a clue of who the one that loves them is. It kills me. I have never seen such a hunger in poeple. they want Jesus. I want Jesus. We all have no where to turn but up. Up to Him. to fix our eyes on HIM.
He is at work! To say the least! My heart rejoices in the pain because I know He will get all the Glory. He will get all the praise and His name will be above all other names. JESUS.

2009-07-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

FATHER,

Where You go I go
What You say I say
What You pray I pray

Jesus only did, What he saw you do
He would only say, What he heard you speak
He would only move, When he felt you lead
Following your heart, Following your spirit

How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy you are always good

You are always good
You are always good
Always good
Always good

Though the world seems to forget
We will not forget
Who you are and what you've done for us

You are my God

Dear Lord,

2009-05-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

Give me steadfastness...quicken me to Your Spirit. Fill me so I can continue to pour out to Your people.

Father....

2009-05-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Hi Lord! I dont know what you are up to but I can't wait to see! I know you are faithful...and hilarious.
Tiff and Bri had another wedding day set back (once again. Tiff got her dress! (absolutly stunning!) I am living back home. I sold my car and all belongings! (living off the land) You are putting more abortion practitioners in my way that you want to touch and minister to. Mexico is calling. Book reviews need to be done. work is work. Im absolutly boy crazy...yet "unavailable". Juvenille Hall is bearing more fruit now than ever. Plenty of Babies need to be born. Jordan is going to start cutting mohs. Shane kicks serious butt as His volleyball games and I want to make all of them. Linus and meesha peed on all the few belongings Tiff and I have left (they are so cute, and I will kill them someday) I leave in 3 months, which feels like 3 years, and Am as ready as I'll ever be, and yet I have to continue living each day as you wish, here in the States. One day at a time...

2009-04-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

My heart is overwhelmed.

For the Lord is faithful and loving in all He does.

He appoints and establishes. He tears down and rebuilds.

He raises up the weary and humbles the proud.

He heals the broken and cleanses the diseased.

He lifts up the oppressed and Fathers the fatherless.

He is all understanding and all compassionate.

He is slow to anger and rich in kindness.

He stores up, sets up and sets out for the one that is lost.

He is all loving, all powerful, all majestic.

He is all reality.

He is the substance that sustains us and the food that feeds our souls.

In Him there is no darkness, no lies, no games.

He is the truth, the way, and the light.

He is Him that has created and breathed life into every being.

In Him there are no mistakes, no trip ups, no weaknesses.

He is the Divine Artist of all artists.

He is the Designer and Father of all life in all its forms.

He forgives the sinner and rejoices over the returned.

He honors His elderly and blesses His little ones.

He weeps with the mourning and laughs with the joyful.

He is the Hope to the Hopeless and the Eyes to the Blind.

He eats with sinners and meets them in their shame.

He gives abundant Life, Love, Liberty and Freedom.

He sent His son to bridge the Gap, to take the blame of all sin, to set the captives free.

He is the husband to the husbandless and the brother to the brother less.

He befriends the friendless and visits the lonely.

He arrives to stay, and lives to arrive.

He is the Prince of Peace.

He is the King of Kings.

He is the light of the world, and darkness cannot comprehend Him.

He died for our sins, and would do it all over again.

And Again.

2009-04-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

"Give Thanks to God at all times and for everything." - ephesians 5:20

"We are Children of God, and if Children then Heirs of God."- romans 8:16,17

"Love is Patient. Love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful. Love is not rude.It is not self-seeking." -1corinthians 13:4-5

"Consider Yourselves Dead to Sin and ALIVE IN CHRIST."- Romans 6:11

"God's Spirit dwells in You."- 1Corinthians 3:16

"We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to Us."- Romans 12:6

"God's Temple is Holy, and You are that Temple."- 1Corinthians 3:17

"Whatever you do...do EVERYTHING in the name of the Lord Jesus."- Colossians 3:17

"Just as Christ was RAISED...we too might have a NEW LIFE."- Romans 6:4

"My Grace is sufficiant for You. For My power is made Perfect in Weakness." -2corinthians 12:9

"Bear with one another and forgive each other."- colossians 3:13

2009-04-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

Goodbye party...coming soon!!

2009-03-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

From the highest of the Heavens to ends of the Earth....from the East to the West, North and South....no Country, no continent, no city no state...no village. No tribe. No language. No person young and old. Neverending....never lacking....no stopping or hindering....no height, no depth, no darkness no suffering or sadness....no rejection...no abuse...no disaster....no sickness...no death....no depression or sin....no sin.....can EVER seperate US from the LOVE of GOD.

2009-03-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

To do? or not to do?

2009-03-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

To Do....list.

-find a new home for Kengi C. Duffy (my car)

-move out of my apartment and back in with mom and pop, meesha and linus. (april ya'll!!)

-sell my furniture and belongings :(

-buy my books $!!

-deliver more babes in the process :)

-make money money make! $

-and praise Jesus....

2009-03-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

Father God,
I ask that you have your way Lord. Your COMPLETE and PERFECT will in my life. Take me Lord....Im yours...my heart...my spirit and mind, my will...my fears and weakness...my expectaions and my dreams...I lay them down..once again...I love you Father. I thirst for you, for what you want..to submit to you my Father. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy on my life and everyone around me. Use me Lord. Use me. Im Yours my God.
God is God and I am not, I can only see a part of the picture He's painting...