Just one look in His eyes...

Sometimes all I see are the weaknesses within me. And its overwhelming. And sometimes all I can feel is my sin weighing down on me...my Selfishness-Jealousy- laziness-impatience- pride- disobedience...among other things that need to die within me. I know what you are asking of my life, and Lord, it feels SO impossible. It feels like such a huge price to pay. I feel very incapable and I know I am. I don't feel smart enough, educated enough. Sometimes I feel that you are further than I would like to feel you. Sometimes Im stubborn and I don't understand what the next step looks like, so I question You. Sometimes I cry and complain and argue with You. Sometimes I question whether or not You will go before me, with me. I question whether or not you will protect us. I question if there will ever be an end, if this is worth it. I wonder what You are thinking and if You still love me just the same, even when I fall. I see what you have laid out before Colby and I and I look at our earthly resources and totally doubt. I see a glimpse of the road that we are walking down and the other way looks so much easier. I make lists of why this is impossible. I see the struggles that come along with this calling, and I weigh the price. I tell you, "Lord, I cant do this."

Then I look into Your eyes.

And I say YES to it ALL.





Im beginning to understand something. Something about the nature of a living, breathing, growing and ever changing relationship with God.

The more you see how much you need Him, the more time you want to spend with Him.

The more time you spend with Him, the more you fall in love with Him.

The more you fall in love with Him, the more you want of Him.

The more you want of Him, the more you ask of Him.

The more you ask of Him, the more He gives you.

The more He gives you, the greater the responsibility to share Him with the world.

The more you share with the world, the more you lay down your own wants, wills and plans.

The more you lay down, the greater the death of your flesh takes place in you.

The greater flesh that dies, the greater birth of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.

The greater the fruits, the greater the attack.

The greater the attack, the greater the suffering.

The greater the suffering, the greater the GLORY that is revealed in our King Jesus.


Even with the greatest attack....comes OUR GREATER GOD.

Our God's knitting skills.

A stocking full of poo.

I am serious. This guy (black and orange chiauwaha- however the heck you spell it) tests my patience to very core of my being. This is where he ends up most days, in jail.Laughing mixed with screaming and absolute rage as we find dried up old poops in our shoes is just the beginning.  This is how it has been since day one. We bought him just a few weeks after being married, wanting to somehow "expand" our family. The first day we got him, he barfed and pooped all over my car. I thought he was sick (because I was) and wanted to turn around and return him. Now I know, that this is just Tiko. He is the child every parent DREDS. (I feel so bad at the same time saying all this, cause we really DO love him, we are just completely grey now from him- no biggy) We find shampoo bottles under the bed....old socks in the shower, my “undergarments” in the living room and even our thanksgiving mini pumpkins in his bed. The other night, I was chopping up veggies, making stir-fry for dinner and every once and a while I would see him pick up something off the kitchen floor and run with it into the living room. I just ignored him. Colby came home, walked up the stairs and said “what is this?!” I went out into the living room and found a PILE of veggie scraps. He had been collecting the little chopped veggies that had fallen off the counter into the floor. He was apparently making his own stir-fry. Mine wasn’t good enough. We find these weird/bizarre things everyday. NEVER a dull moment. I think this is why he was on clearance for 80 bucks flat when we bought him. There’s your sign.

BamBam on the other hand is PERFECT. Well trained. Crosses his T’s and dots his I’s. Perfect. He is my adopted son and I love him! Colby trained him and spent countless hours teaching him to roll over, stay, drop it, leave it, go lay down, sit, jump, goes on and on. Tiko constantly chews on his face. Poor Bam. Bam gets a beef bone and a few toys for Christmas as a celebration of Christ’s birth. He has been good all year. Tiko gets a stocking full of (coal) his dried poops that he leaves under the piano. Merry bow-wow Christmas!

A birth of a time, was had by all. Baby Maddy!

It was the night of Thanksgiving and Colby and I had just crawled into bed around 2am. Full of turkey and yams and STUFFED with stuffing. I couldn't have been more happy to be snuggled in my own bed about to pass out from gluttony. But, in the back of my mind I knew that a client of mine and Annes was due any minute now, in fact, I was surprised she held off on Thanksgiving day. Then there it was....she called at around 3am and said that her water had broken. Mind you, this mama is a G-6, P-4. meaning this baby was going to be her 5th baby. So hearing that a water has broken means, "Birth.PRONTO." Only problem was, I had a 2 hour drive ahead of me. She lived in the desert and I had not a second to spare. I woke up Colby, and because he knew I had not gotten much rest, he jumped out of bed, made me coffee and offered to drive me there. (YES,I know, I married the most amazing man!) So we drove and drove and drove until we reached our home. A quiet, small home covered in orange trees and fallen leaves. I walked up the pathway and into the home. I found her in a rocking chair drinking mint tea. “She looks too happy to be in labor”, I thought. I did an internal exam on her to find her at 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. She was well on her way!! This family I have adored from my first prenatal with them. A spirit filled family of 6 with so much love, personality and gentlness. Each one of their children, all under the age of 13 had such a uniqueness about them and I wanted to hang around them all day. All home schooled, all brilliant, and all personality! The youngest girl, Samantha was my favorite. She looked about 5 years old but was a feisty 7 year old. She was tiny, tiny with big blue eyes and huge curly red hair with the vocabulary of about a 30 year old. She was hilarious. When I arrived all the children were asleep still except for Elizabeth, the oldest, who was going to help her mom deliver the baby. She was thrilled, to say the least. But time just kept ticking and NO baby.......6am.....8am.....10..am....noon..2pm.....6pm.Dinner. She was still only 7 cm. At about this time, we were concerned that our mama was getting exhausted. Never had a labor of hers taken this long, and plus her water had been broken this whole time which could soon be a cause of concern for infection. So we set a time. 10cm by 10pm. We all agreed. ..8pm...Nap..9pm....at about 9:30 she called us into the room. “Im ready to push”. We smiled with joy and relief and put on our gloves. Everything else was in place (the O2, the meds, the emergency equipment...) She called all the children into the room, and they came RUNNING! “Its time! Its time! Come out baby Maddy!” They all jumped on the bed with pure excitement. “Ok, John (10 year old), you hold the video camera “got it!” , Samantha, your job is to hold this towel and put it on the baby when we put the baby on your mama’s tummy. “OK!” she smiled. One push- head out. Samantha screams in shock and runs out of the room crying. “Samantha its ok! Its just the baby’s head” We yelled out the door. “Im going to throw up!” she yelled back!! hahaha! One more push at 9:58 pm and 6lb 13 oz baby Maddy came sliding out into my arms. GLORIOUS!! She was beautiful! Round and short and oh so TINY! By this time, all the children were back in the room and there was not a dry eye in the whole house. Including little Samantha who was crying out of shear joy and fear. The father lay next to his wife and new baby and wept over this tiny precious new life “You did it babe, she is beautiful.” He cried. I cried. We cried. Even little John, Elizabeth, Samantha and Joshua cried. And of course baby Maddy was crying too. “Hi Maddy, welcome to the world.” Her siblings greeted her wet, tiny, new body.

A little visit to Marshalltown, Iowa!!!

Visiting Kayla in the BEAUTIFUL State of Iowa!! It was a pretty spare of the moment kind of trip. I bought my tickets and 3 days later landed in the peaceful, simple, fall-colored town of Marshalltown, Iowa. The feeling that hit me when I walked out of the airport was so familiar and peaceful that I completely felt at home! So there I was, sitting and waiting for Doobie outside of the airport while she was walking back and forth behind me, looking for me. She didn't notice my dark hair and I forgot to tell her! HA! But once we saw each other, we hugged and laughed and it was like we had never even parted. Total soul sisters. These photos are sort of out of order....but here they are!!



The town Doctor raises goats on the Hatch's family farm and yes...that is a DOG is the midst of the goats. I went over to the fence to pet him and Kayla says, "Oh no, T! You cant pet him. He thinks he's a goat." I almost died from cuteness. Apparently this big, burley, beautiful pup was raised with the goats, eats and sleeps with the goats, plays with them and protects them. He changed me world. SO CUTE.


The town Doc. He has also done work with Kayla's family's orphanage in Sierra Leone, Africa.

Some of the many Africans that live in Marshalltown.

Kayla and I found an amazing 1950s juicer at her family's thrift store for 5 bucks!! It worked to well and we made fresh carrot, orange, plum, and whatever we could find, juice!

Drinking fruity ale at a restaurant in downtown.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, WE will wait upon the Lord!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord


Waiting, waiting...That seems to be the theme of this year for Colby and I. We sit together and day dream of living among God's children, orphans, widows, the poor and sick, teaching them about Jesus, and helping to bring their babies into the world. And yet, God calls us back to our little home here, in California, with our two puppies, BamBam and Tiko, and brings us to our knees most nights, praying the rosary with lack of words to tell Him what it is exactly in our hearts that we long for....But oh, He knows ;)

I can't say that this is the most exciting season to be in, in fact - Im bored stiff! And patience and discipline seem to be a weakness I never knew I had until now. I guess you learn something new everyday! More than one person has told us that this is a time where God is building character in us before He sends us out. He is teaching us discipline, faithfulness and patience so that on the mission field when we face hardships, loss, fear, attack and whatever else may come our way- we will have this character engraved in our bones.
Jesus, you know this is the cry of our hearts, so do what You know to do!

Its kind of funny, come to think of it...I see God teaching us these things through the simple, everyday stuff. Huh...Like for instance, our little garden. Ok, I hate and love to garden. For one, I hate waiting- I cant wait to see the fruit!!! I will run out every morning, when I let the pups out to go pee, to our tiny patch of freshly fertilized dirt mound and to my disappointment, which seems like every time---- NOTHIN! Nothing but a few dinky seeds hidden away from the sun, taking their SWEET time. In fact, I hate waiting so much that I will just make a Walmart run and buy the actual plant with the fruit or veggie already sprouting.
And you know something...? While I was busy running around planting these already sprouted bushes of life, I didn't notice the tiny kernel of corn that I had planted in the dirt next to the pavement. It had began to push forth through the dirt! About an inch tall, bright green, and as perky as ever! Happy to be alive! That corn has not stopped growing. 7 gorgeous, luscious cobs have sprouted and are ready for picking and eating any day now! Oh the joy of waiting patiently for the fruit of something that I was a part of planting! Now, I see the joy and waiting for that precious fruit. The taste of long awaited life giving food. The excitement of feeling the accomplishment, the finish line, the end product (until that corn becomes the seed of another). I know, I know, I sound insane talking about corn this way. But God revealed this to me and it makes so much sense. This is how it should be in our lives! Waiting for what He has, waiting for that long-awaited precious fruit after hours of laboring........work, prayer, tears, hoping, wishing, seeking, fasting......Oh Lord give us grace to continue to hold onto your promise!

"But as for that seed in the good soil, these are the people who, hearing the Word, hold it fast in a just (noble, virtuous) and worthy heart, and steadily bring forth fruit with patience."
Luke 8: 15

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God" - Colossians 1:10