Just one look in His eyes...

Sometimes all I see are the weaknesses within me. And its overwhelming. And sometimes all I can feel is my sin weighing down on me...my Selfishness-Jealousy- laziness-impatience- pride- disobedience...among other things that need to die within me. I know what you are asking of my life, and Lord, it feels SO impossible. It feels like such a huge price to pay. I feel very incapable and I know I am. I don't feel smart enough, educated enough. Sometimes I feel that you are further than I would like to feel you. Sometimes Im stubborn and I don't understand what the next step looks like, so I question You. Sometimes I cry and complain and argue with You. Sometimes I question whether or not You will go before me, with me. I question whether or not you will protect us. I question if there will ever be an end, if this is worth it. I wonder what You are thinking and if You still love me just the same, even when I fall. I see what you have laid out before Colby and I and I look at our earthly resources and totally doubt. I see a glimpse of the road that we are walking down and the other way looks so much easier. I make lists of why this is impossible. I see the struggles that come along with this calling, and I weigh the price. I tell you, "Lord, I cant do this."

Then I look into Your eyes.

And I say YES to it ALL.





Im beginning to understand something. Something about the nature of a living, breathing, growing and ever changing relationship with God.

The more you see how much you need Him, the more time you want to spend with Him.

The more time you spend with Him, the more you fall in love with Him.

The more you fall in love with Him, the more you want of Him.

The more you want of Him, the more you ask of Him.

The more you ask of Him, the more He gives you.

The more He gives you, the greater the responsibility to share Him with the world.

The more you share with the world, the more you lay down your own wants, wills and plans.

The more you lay down, the greater the death of your flesh takes place in you.

The greater flesh that dies, the greater birth of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.

The greater the fruits, the greater the attack.

The greater the attack, the greater the suffering.

The greater the suffering, the greater the GLORY that is revealed in our King Jesus.


Even with the greatest attack....comes OUR GREATER GOD.

Our God's knitting skills.

A stocking full of poo.

I am serious. This guy (black and orange chiauwaha- however the heck you spell it) tests my patience to very core of my being. This is where he ends up most days, in jail.Laughing mixed with screaming and absolute rage as we find dried up old poops in our shoes is just the beginning.  This is how it has been since day one. We bought him just a few weeks after being married, wanting to somehow "expand" our family. The first day we got him, he barfed and pooped all over my car. I thought he was sick (because I was) and wanted to turn around and return him. Now I know, that this is just Tiko. He is the child every parent DREDS. (I feel so bad at the same time saying all this, cause we really DO love him, we are just completely grey now from him- no biggy) We find shampoo bottles under the bed....old socks in the shower, my “undergarments” in the living room and even our thanksgiving mini pumpkins in his bed. The other night, I was chopping up veggies, making stir-fry for dinner and every once and a while I would see him pick up something off the kitchen floor and run with it into the living room. I just ignored him. Colby came home, walked up the stairs and said “what is this?!” I went out into the living room and found a PILE of veggie scraps. He had been collecting the little chopped veggies that had fallen off the counter into the floor. He was apparently making his own stir-fry. Mine wasn’t good enough. We find these weird/bizarre things everyday. NEVER a dull moment. I think this is why he was on clearance for 80 bucks flat when we bought him. There’s your sign.

BamBam on the other hand is PERFECT. Well trained. Crosses his T’s and dots his I’s. Perfect. He is my adopted son and I love him! Colby trained him and spent countless hours teaching him to roll over, stay, drop it, leave it, go lay down, sit, jump, goes on and on. Tiko constantly chews on his face. Poor Bam. Bam gets a beef bone and a few toys for Christmas as a celebration of Christ’s birth. He has been good all year. Tiko gets a stocking full of (coal) his dried poops that he leaves under the piano. Merry bow-wow Christmas!