Our precious child,

My precious little child,

Every night I think about you, and who you are now, so fragile and tiny, and who you will become, and  and how much I love you already, and I am overwhelmed with tears. I have never felt this way about such a little beautiful, perfect, growing mystery! Such a mystery you are to your Daddy and me!  Sometimes I forget that you are even in there, growing away in your own world, tucked away in my womb, surrounded by warmth and peace and safe as can be. The world outside of there is quite busy. Traffic is terrible, people walking and talking everywhere, lots of harm that I already think about how I can protect you from. And yet the world outside, here, is also beautiful, majestic, mysterious and oh so big! It can be easy to get caught up in the business and troubles of this life, but when you ask God to see the world the way He sees it, and His people the way that He sees them, it will change EVERYTHING! Baby, I wonder how God will use your tiny life, and I also thank Him for using your life even now, as you are just the size of a dainty apple!! Many people love you already and can’t wait to meet you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made, little one! I haven’t felt you move inside me yet, but I do listen to your tiny fluttering heartbeat all the time. Then sometimes I think I feel you move, but then I just think its mommy’s tummy rumbling. Little baby, I love you so much already it hurts. I can’t imagine how I can love you anymore and I haven’t even met you yet!! My heart has grown big in a new way for mommies and babies, born and unborn. 

Your Daddy talks about you all the time and kisses my belly where you live. He sings songs to you and loves to watch my tummy get bigger! He reads all about your development each week and smiles from ear to ear when he says, “hey babe!! Today our pumpkin is 4 inches long, open and closes his/her tiny fingers and toes, and is sensitive to light!” He is so proud of you already! You grow like a champ!  Keep growing away in the safety of my womb. I will love you always little one and when the day comes for you to leave your world in there and join us out here for the great adventures of life outside the womb, we will welcome you will open arms!!! 

We love you much!!!!                        This is you with your tiny little toothpick legs straight up in the air!

Mommy 

Our Safe Nest

As most of you already know, Colby and I will be expecting our VERY FIRST little bundle of joy this October!!!! We are thrilled and are already SO in love with this little precious growing baby of ours. What a gift. It has been so long since I last blogged! Maybe thats because our life right now has been MORE than crazy. Yet, there is this peace that has been leading the way. It has been the light at the end of a swirling tunnel. As long as we keep our eyes set on the light, we are grounded and peaceful. To be honest, the season that we are in, has left me clueless, and for more then one reason, Im ok with that. Our first home, our little apartment on Fashion Park St, is no longer the place we reside! After some dark sketchy things going on in our neighborhood (car break-ins, gangs, and drug dealer neighbors)...(yes, we lived in the ghetto) and my nights left sleepless and fear stricken when Colby is away, I cried out to the Lord and prayed long and hard about where to raise this little growing child of ours. 

 I was left feeling afraid to even walk to my car at night (20 feet away from our home). On top of the fear I was SO SICK this first trimester, that I felt completely weak and defenseless if anything were to happen. I know the Lord was our protection, but the fear of having to defend myself and our unborn child if Colby was working was too much to bare. The thoughts of fear were consuming me. Rebuking the devil, praying over the house, and reading scriptures out loud didn’t make the fear leave either. This wasn’t attack, it was a wake up call to MOVE OUR BOOTIES OUT! Ok Lord, we get it! 

How often the Lord must shake His head and with a smirk say, “FINALLY!” :) 

So what was our next move? We know we are called to the mission field, but where? When? While Pregnant? Well long story short, The Lord has been talking to Colby about finishing paramedic school, and with him in school he wont be able to work and my paycheck alone can not support our family. Ok, so now what Lord? We need to save money, raise a family and still have the opportunity for Colby to go to school. Not long after this glimpse of a vision came to us, we were given the invitation to move into his parents home. They have a huge beautiful extra bonus room with a balcony, french doors and lots of space! We were flooded with peace and said, “how does next week sound?!” Not even kidding, I packed a small bag with the essentials and nestled into this  new cozy safe next. 

I received a word during prayer from someone and she said this:

“I see you as a baby bird, crying out for your needs, and then the Lord swooped down and scooped you up in his hands and placed you in a safe nest.”

She couldn’t have been more dead on. During this pregnancy, this move, this everything, I have never needed the Lord more. I have clung onto His every word during this season. I have had no choice but to praise Him while I hugged the toilet every couple of hours. No where to run but into His arms when the overwhelming feeling of fear, sickness and blind walking set in. Even to the point where I was so sick, home alone while Colby was at work, couldn't get out of bed and I would cry out for Him to feed me. And His spirit would feed me. I would get a little bit of energy to crawl to the kitchen open up the cabinet (which the kitchen smell would normally send me into a vomiting frenzy) and take out a few saltine crackers to eat. Then I would crawl back in bed and praise Him. He has been my everything. He is my strong tower and hiding place. My place of refuge and strength. I Don't even wanna know the shape I would be in if I didn't have my Lord!! Im sure we can all say that....ha. 
Now He has heard my hearts cry and placed me in a nest where all of my needs are met. This is a safe nest. What a brilliantly compassionate God we have. So gentle and strong. And quick to answer our prayers. He care about EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. 

So, right now we are still in the middle of moving our belongings, little by little into our new home. The word of the Lord has been for us in this season, to “give away all our belongs and come and follow Me.” So thats what we have been doing. Moving and downsizing. Not sure why, what or when, but I know He is preparing us for something. Lord we will blindly follow You, wherever You lead!  

“And call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” (Psalm 50:15)

This picture is from our trip to Big Bear to get away. I was so sick, but the fresh crisp air and gorgeous snow covered mountains helped A LOT!