January-February 2014 UPDATE

Hello everyone! 

We hope that this update finds you well and that you have all enjoyed the last of winter before a new season is upon us! We miss you all back home so much and think of you everyday. Your support, emotional, spiritual, or financial has meant more than you could ever know. Just know that when you see pictures of these beautiful faces (no, not ours) of these mothers, babies and children, that it is because of you and your generosity and love that we are here and able to share the love of Jesus. We may be physically here in the Philippines, but it does not mean we are any more important in this work then you. There are senders and there are goers. We can not go, without being sent. We are but one SMALL part of the Body of Christ. All of us play a part in reaching the world for Jesus! 

I know we have been writing a few updates on facebook between Colby and I, but we wanted to share a more detailed one with those of you who were interested in sharing what the Lord is doing here in Rizal. 

The last week of January (when we arrived) was a blink of an eye. Between adjusting to new sleep patterns and moving our entire life into a new place, it was here and gone before we knew it. Filled with new mother and babies, new faces and new friends, and a new language. Lots of newness!  And February has been an amazing month. Filled with so many blessings and so many “can you actually believe we are here?!?” moments. God is so so good. It seems that those words don’t even do His Goodness justice anymore. We are just in awe of Him. Seriously. This experience has been so beyond us. The fact that He has called us to serve here, in this time, is such. An. Honor. 

Praise You Lord. 

So..... February has looked a little bit like this...

I have been finding my flow in the birthing home, learning the way they practice here and do things. Some things VERY different then what I’m used to, others, pretty much the same as the States. Prenatal check-ups are every tuesday, wednesday, and thursday and we see around 30-50 women everyday between about 6 midwives, so needless to say, they are VERY busy days. On those days, Colby and Lily have their bonding time together and take a stroll down to the local fruit market or take a bus ride down to the mall. Then after prenatals are over, we all reunite in the birthing home again for lunch that is made 5 days a week for us by Ate Helen,  a wonderful woman and a fabulous cook! She cooks traditional filipino dishes and then always lots of rice on the side. Today, after a long day of check-ups, Colby came walking in with Lily in her stroller. She had a ‘double fudge’ milk shake (with whipped cream) in her hand and all over her face and dress, happy as ever! Not too long after she crashed fast asleep. Wonder why! ha.  Its so precious to see them bond so much. He is always reading to her, watching movies or running around the house playing hide and seek. I am so thankful for such an amazing man who has sacrificed so much (even though to him he doesn’t see it that way) for us to be able to come here and serve and for me to finish school. It would not be possible otherwise. He is seriously amazing. 

So after our days of prenatals, life seems pretty normal (?). We walk down to the market, followed by a mob of street children. All of them calling out “Hiiii Lily!!!” She draws lots attention here and the kids get a kick out of her “zombie” impersonations. Colby loves these children and his heart has really grown for them more and more as we have been here. Especially after seeing them, some as young as 8 years old huffing paint and melted rubber out of plastic bags. We came to learn that they do this all day, every day, because it suppresses hunger pains. They huff until they can longer stand and then lay in the dirt, high, drooling and still hungry. Hungry for food, but mostly hungry for love.  We tossed and turned that night. And Colby woke up the next morning inspired to do something. He now carries a huge bundle of bananas and snacks with him as well as other medical supplies in a back pack as lots of the children have open sores on their bodies from lack of hygiene. They live right along a very dirty creek, filled with stagnant water and trash and is used as a bathroom and as laundry water. The smell is indescribable.  Most of these children are not orphans. They have either a mother or a father, sometimes both. But most of the time the father is an alcoholic and beats them, so they don’t want to go home, and the mother is busy either working all day, or selling herself to try and feed her children just enough to keep them alive. It is heartbreaking. No other words to describe. Only, Only the Love of Jesus can overcome such hopelessness! He can and He will and He is! One child at a time. One smile at a time. One hug at a time. One small, broken tagalog/english conversation at a time. One banana at a time. 

The other interns (3) and I, rotate for on-call births. I just caught the last baby, so the next up is Alex, and then so on. Most babies come at night (like always) so when one of us is on call, we know there is no sleep that night. Two nights ago, was a funny experience. Just as I was laying in bed, I received a text from my preceptor midwife who said “labor, 4-5 cm”. So I calmly and quietly got out of bed, got dressed, grabbed my birth bag and kissed Colby and Lily goodbye. I figured I would have some time having known that this was a first time mother and generally their labors are a lot longer then mothers with multiple children. As I walked into the clinic, I could hear her groaning, grunting and crying out in pain, sounding much further along in her labor then expected. So I decided I would go straight in the room and throw on gloves, just in case. Before I could introduce myself, her water broke suddenly and I apparently was in the soak zone and was baptized in amniotic fluid (ahhhhhh!!)!!!!. So, after whipping off what I could, I did an internal exam and found her to be fully dilated and baby’s head descending. An hour and a half of pushing and then finally, a beautiful birth!! A precious baby boy and two very happy first time parents. Also, a whole waiting room filled with anxious/excited family members and friends from church waiting to hear the news and celebrate! It was really precious! Every birth is so different. Some a little more difficult then others, but all beautiful in their own way. They all have a story. I wish I could tell more birth stories, but I would never shut up, so I’m cutting myself off here. :) 

If Colby and I have learned one thing since being here, it is this: we absolutely can not do this. We can not “save” anyone from their situation or pull anyone out of poverty. We can temporarily fill an empty stomach with a banana, but we know tomorrow they will be hungry again. We can not cause anyone to “change” or to all of a sudden realize the value of their life and begin to change the devaluing culture practices that have been practiced for generations. We can not convince a father to stay with his family rather then spending his nights at the bar. We can not get the words out right to get across to a laboring woman who is crying out in pain, that “You are LOVED daughter! This will soon be over!” How do we tell her of His loving compassion? Sometimes there are no words.  We can not heal the man who is in a coma from a drunken accident, leaving behind a wife and baby girl. We can not control the behavior of the street children and change their behaviors of stealing, cursing and fighting. The only way they know to survive. How do we love the young woman enough into convincing her not to sell her body for food for her hungry children? We can. not. do. this. 

There is too much. Too much suffering. Too much sadness. 

Their suffering is so big. 

And we are so small. 

Nothing. 

We sat together on our couch one night as Lily had just fallen asleep. We were both heavy with burdens and hopelessness. The weight of compassion leaking from our hearts with no direction. Their faces. Their names. Their wrinkled hands. Their heavy hearts. Their open sores. Their hunger for food. For attention. For love. Their souls. 

We sat for a while in the silence of the night and I began to cry. And cry. 

We cried out. 

And the Lord began to speak...

“Yes. You are right....you can not do this.” 

“Yes. You are right...it is much too heavy.”

“Yes. You are right...you do not have enough money to feed them all, everyday.”

“Yes. You are right...you can change no one.” 

“.....But you know who CAN!!” 

“My children, it is not your job to change the world. Or even a person.  That is my job, my loves! Just be obedient in the very small ways of love. Start with a smile. A visit.  A hug. A shoulder to cry on. Forgive the child who stole from you. Give a cup of water. Give a hand to hold. And yes, even a banana. Do what I do, and leave the rest to me.

You can not do this. But I CAN. You don’t know, but I DO. You don’t speak the language, but I DO....give them to me. 

“Bring them to Me.” 

The hope began to rise up inside of us and His Joy and Peace began to fill us up. We hugged and agreed to never again trust our own ability to do the Lord’s work. 

What a relief. What freedom. The Creator of heaven and earth gave us permission to lay down these precious people at His precious feet. He knows what they need. We do not. But we trust He will show us, and He will meet those needs. Either through us, or through another way. Whatever way He chooses. 

His Heart bleeds with compassion for His children, and we can trust Him with them. 

They are His.

Please keep us in your prayers as we start language lessons next week and continue to try and build relationships with these new mothers and families and the street children and their families. Pray that we would be continually reminded, NOT to relay on our own strength or resources, but that we would bring with us, the One Man and God, who can change everything, JESUS. 

Please tell us how we can pray for you as well. You are all so important to us and we want to stay updated on what the Lord is doing in your live’s as well. 

May the Lord bless you and keep you!!

The Rodgers 

A new mother bonding with her baby just a few hours after a birth. 

Lily in her new room, even though she sleeps with us every night. This has sort of turned into her play room. And these are all the things she has gathered as 'toys'! 

MAXIMIZING THE MISSION

 I have this journal that I have been writing in for the last 6 months (ionically around the time that Lily was born) that is labeled...

 “Go Into ALL the World” 

 ‘A mission Journal’ 

and on the back it has a stamp that says, “Mementos, TRAVEL, and keepsake.” 

And to be honest, I bought this thinking, I will start writing in it, when God tells us WHERE to go on our next mission. And that is EXACTLY what happened.

And at the top of every page in the first half of the journal it has a space provided to write in and it says...

 “ PREPARING MY HEART” 

The second half of the journal has the same thing at the top but it says, 

“MAXIMIZING THE MISSION.”

But I had not paid much attention to this space at the top at all, in fact I would just write whatever it was, in one sentence, what God was doing THAT DAY. 

Ok...so the point of all of this....

Around the time that Lily was born, I was struggling a TON with living in someone else’s house. We are living with Colby’s parents, who have been NOTHING but kind, generous, loving, helpful and patient with us and we are FOREVR thankful for them!!! But... it is STILL difficult. It is difficult not being able to have a good yelling match with your husband when you are trying to express to him how you truly feel, without feeling judged (not that they have judged us by any means, but you know what I mean) or wanting to fall into his arms and have a SUPER needed good and messy cry, without anyone thinking your depressed. OR walking around the house in your underwear, without even batting an eye, or even jumping in the shower with your husband to quickly wash the baby, yourself and have some help all at the same time, without making anyone uncomfortable, or leaving the dishes from dinner in the sink till the next day cause all you want to do after a full belly is plop yourself into bed with your hubby and pass out, without looking lazy....or raiding the fridge after being up all night feeding the baby and waking up STARVING, without looking like a nursing hog with no self-control...

 You catch my drift?

All the real things we do in the privacy of our own homes without even thinking about it. The nasty sides of our sweet personalities that seem to come out in the comfort and safety of our own walls. Where we can BEAR/BARE it all. 

It was just MY own fear of being judged or maybe even desperately trying to prove (mostly to myself) that we SORTA kinda have our stuff together instead of looking like a couple of emotional, incapable young parents who have NO idea what they are doing and are trying to do this all on their own. But we all know that that never works for long....we ALL need MERCY at some point! 

So with a heavy heart and quivering lips I apologize....

Me: “I am so so sorry for how emotional and moody I have been. I hope you don’t think its directed at you, cause its not. You have just seen every side of me. Good, bad and ugly and I am sorry about the  bad and ugly. I wish I could hide when I am in a bad mood or super tired, or arguing with Colbs about something stupid...and I wish I could help more around the house, but I am so busy that its hard for me to clean up anything other then baby diapers and spit up and Im sorry sometimes I leave our dishes in the sink, I will work on that and make sure the kitchen is spotless after we cook, Im sorry about Tiko’s poop in the backyard, I will have Colby pick it up today, and I am sorry for the dirty laundry spilling out of our baskets....thank you for being so understanding and patient with us, You guys have done SO much for us and I am sorry if we have ever disappointed you guys or if you have felt unappreciated...and I am sorry for....and.......” on and on and on. 

My mother-in-law: “What are you talking about...? What are you sorry for?! You don’t need to be sorry about anything! You guys are great parents and you are trying your best! I don’t think twice about any of that stuff. Its ok. I understand. I see the things you DO help with and I understand the mood swings, TRUST ME, I have been there too! So knock it off and quit worrying!! If I didn’t have a cleaning person to help me after I had my boys, you would NOT BELIEVE what my house would have looked like!!..and DID the days she didn’t show up!! haha! ” 

I unexpectedly laugh, trying to fight back the tears, so I wouldn’t be laughing and crying at the same time. And then a sigh of relief and love and mercy washes over me. 

....and then I cry and hug her and realize all over again that this is how God sees us. This conversation sounds all too familiar.... He understands. He sees our good, bad and ugly and EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, and in spite of it all, He chooses to focus on our GOOD. He covers our weakness, washes away any condemnation and then makes us laugh! His joy is our strength!.......and then I realize that maybe I do judge myself a little too harshly.....so I receive His precious, gentle forgiveness and mercy that I need everyday and His new Grace that He offered right then and there and at ANY moment we ask for it..and once again...I let it go...because I know that He already has. In fact, He let it go a LONG time ago. 

And He lovingly wipes away the discouraged tears and says, “My sweet One, what a beautiful mother you are! Do not be dismayed or down casted, you are not a mess but a brilliant masterpiece to Me!”  And He kisses my cheek and restores my strength just in time for when the baby wakes up. 

‘What a beautiful God You are. Thank You Jesus.’ I think as I pick up my still half-asleep, toothless smiling 6 month old sweet baby girl. 

So back to the journal. Just a few days ago, I was writing in my journal and opened up to the very last page for some reason and saw the words “My Travels”, and thought to myself, ‘by the time I am finished with this journal, I will have not traveled anywhere!’ Then I STOPPED. All of a sudden I had these flashbacks of my life since the time I wrote my first journal entry in August. 

.....We traveled from our old apartment to this new home... gave away most of our belongings in Faith.... ... met God in a WHOLE new way during my stay in hospital in the midst of fear and the unknown, clinging to him..... gave birth to a beautiful baby girl prematurely....c-section, which expanded my ENTIRE understanding of birth and women....experienced Grace like never before while traveling back and forth to the NICU to visit our baby... have been taught patience and contentment while living with our in-laws. He has brought love to a new depth through Lillian. He has drawn us closer to His heart in our marriage and family.....He is teaching me a selfless love through being a mother.....He is establishing our family.....He is taking care of some things in the past that are unwanted and have been hanging around....We have been blessed to witness many many teenagers and young adults give their hearts and souls to Jesus....we have walked with many other young parents and encouraged one another through this journey.... I could go on and on about our TRAVELS. 

So during the PREPARING MY HEART section of the journal, The Lord was preparing my heart to see life this way. All my journal entries where about being unsure of where God was, what was He doing, where is He taking us...little did I know, He was preparing my heart. 

Let me just add too, the Colby had been telling me this stuff all along. But I didn’t have the ears to hear it. 

This is OUR MISSION. To love and live and serve...RIGHT. WHERE. WE. ARE. 

MAXIMIZING my DAILY MISSION:

So when God says...

• “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR”

Love and serve my husband more then myself. 

Love and serve my in-laws right here. 

• “CLOTHE THE NAKED”

Change Lily’s stinky diapers, bath her and dress her with shameless, overflowing love.

• “FEED THE HUNGRY”

Feed Lily her sweet potatoes, carrots, peas and prunes with Mercy, Humility, Love and Gentleness.  

Stop and feed the homeless woman I see in Villa Park, around my own neighborhood everyday. 

• “GIVE DRINK TO THE THIRSTY”

Make Lily her bottle with Thankfulness and feed it to her with Patience. 

- “SERVE ONE ANOTHER” 

Clean up the dishes with Dignity, Purity and Praise. 

“How do you clean dishes with dignity, purity and praise???” we ask. 

Its ALL about the intention of the heart. 

- “DEFEND THE DEFENSELESS”

Hold, cradle and protect Lily with comfort, affection, and strength. 

Do whatever I can to protect the unborn whenever I can, (even if its just through facebook) with Courage. 

• “ BEAR ONE ANOTHER’S BURDENS”

Help carry in groceries with gratitude. Grab Colby a clean towel after the shower when he forgets to grab one (again) with Patience. ( I guess this could also be, clothe the naked. HA!)

And until THIS MISSION is through here, HERE is where we will stay, until God moves us to our next Mission. 

You see, its many small missions within one BIG MISSION. Which is... this life.   

Do it with L-O-V-E.

Hi friends!!
Well, there is not much happening in the Rodger's residence outside of warm milk, diapers and baby coos. And I have to say that I am truly enjoying every moment of it. How blessed I have been as a mother to spend 6 months home with my sweet little girl, Lily. Colby and I have been soaking up this time with her. She is such a sweet little love bug. She loves to talk and coo and is just starting to giggle! It kills me!! So cute! She is also very sensitive. Loves to look you in the eyes and LOVES to take long warm baths and snuggle. She is doing so well and growing by the second it feels like. She is now 4 months old and weighs 11 pounds! And to think she was born at just 3 pounds! 4 months old!?!?!? Where did the time go??? So strange....
Soon I will be going back to work just a few days a week and thankfully, only half days.
Motherhood is the best. Its the most emotionally RAW experience I have ever been through and this is only the beginning. The love I feel for my child is scary. Scary in the sense that I love her so deeply that I NEVER want anything to ever hurt her. Im sure all mamas can agree with this. I can't even handle when she gets her shots! A part of me knows that that is the reality of life, she will bump her head, she will scrape her knees, she will face-plant every once and a while as she tries to take her first steps...and then Im sure a few more times after that...and I will do my very best to catch her every time she looses her balance. She will go through ups and downs, heartbreaks and break-ups....and I will be there as a shoulder to cry on, hopefully some guidance and wisdom and to always remind her how beautiful she is and her great worth in God's eyes. Her Daddy and I will be there when friends come and go, days go by, her curiosity arises, and her independence expands.
We will be there to watch her play, watch her laugh and watch her grow and blossom into the beautiful creation that God has called into life inside of her. She is a gift. A gift from God, as every child is, and we will do our best to protect and love and raise her up in a way that honors our Lord.
Its crazy to think how overly easy it feels to mess up as parents, I sometimes just feel like a kid myself, and in the midst of trying to be a perfect mom, giving her everything she needs/wants, I am reminded of the best advice anyone has ever given me as a new mom....

"what matters the most is not how you did things, but that you did it with LOVE."

Per our conversation, she was actually talking to me about formula feeding and breast feeding because I was expressing my sadness for not being able to breast feed Lily due to prematurity. And this was her response.....I have resorted back to this, SO many times.

I know Im going to screw up as a mom, I probably already have in a few ways, but Im choosing to not look at motherhood from that outlook, Im choosing to do everything, to the best of my ability, out of LOVE. The most important thing, is that Lily knows that her Daddy and I LOVE her. And even more important than that, is that God loves her beyond measure.

Lord, come close.

It is a humbling reality that the presence of our Lord does not always feel present. 

It is so easy to look around at our situations and circumstances and be convinced that there has GOT to be more. 

That you missed the bus that God Himself was driving. 

When you reach your end, and cry out, and only hear the echo of your desperate voice. 

When you feel that you can’t go on. 

That your identity has been lost. 

That you have lost yourself because it feels as if you have lost Him. 

That your love for your God has been dimmed. 

That His love for you has been compromised. 

Lord, do you still love me?

Do you still see me? 

Are you sick of me yet? 

Have you moved on...on to someone who has it all together...who is more faithful...more holy...someone who prays more and feels closer to you...? 

When your heart and soul cry out to see more of His face, even just a glimpse, and yet your flesh cries out for something else. And you can’t seem to shut it up. 

When you can’t stand the stench of your own sin and selfishness and it seems to overpower His precious mercy.  

When it feels like such a struggle just to connect. 

Lord, I am truly poor in Spirit. Poor. In. My. Spirit. I have nothing to give to you except my messy life. For what its worth- ITS ALL YOURS. 

I find you in the place I am.

I find you when I’m at my end.

I find you when theres nothing left of me to offer you, except for brokenness. 

You lift me up. 

You never leave me thirsty. 

When I am weak, when I am lost and searching. 

I find you on my knees. 

God, I will trust you. I will trust what you say. I choose to trust you Father. 

I AM close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Blessed are YOU who are poor in spirit, for Yours is the kingdom of heaven.

...And surely I AM with you always, to the very end of the age. My daughter, I know when you sit and when you rise; 

I perceive your thoughts from afar.

 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 

Before a word is on your tongue I know it completely. 

 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 

Where can you go from my Spirit? Where can you flee from my presence?  If you go up to the heavens, I am there; if you make your bed in the depths, I are there.  If you rise on the wings of the dawn, if you settle on the far side of the sea,  even there my hand will guide you, my right hand will hold you fast. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. You gave me a name and called me by it. You established my life and knew it all from the beginning. 

Your works are wonderful, Lord, I know that full well. 

Yes! All the days ordained for YOU were written in my book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! Even just to know that you think of me, still. You know when I go to sleep at night and you are there, with me. 

And when you awake, I am still with you. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is the TRUE cry of my heart. 

Thank You Lord, for never leaving me. 

Lillian Grace Rodgers has landed.

On the night of August 30, 2012, Lillian Grace was born at 8:15 pm by C-section. She weighed 3 pounds and 15 oz of PURE LOVE. She was born at 33 weeks and 5 days gestation due to complications caused by preeclampsia.

We are filled with JOY!!