RECAP!

I realize that there are many birth stories that I have not shared on my blog yet!

To be honest, this last season that God has just now been showing Colby and I the end of, has been wild. He has taken us through a valley, covered in a blanket of jungle, and surrounded by snow covered mountains. Make sense right? Ya. That’s how it’s been. Its been a season of sadness and joy, extreme highs like getting engaged to my soul mate, and extreme lows… feeling that the next time I would ever even get to be in the presence of birth, would be a long, long time. I cried…feeling this calling, what I thought…slip away from my hands and die. I thought that because Colby had placed a ring on my finger, a ring that symbolized our promise of love to each other, a promise to grow old together, have our own babies, live, love and learn together, serve Jesus together, to give our lives completely to each other, that I had to choose one or the other. Little did I know…and little do I still know.

Oh the sweet feeling I get when I look down at my finger and see our promise of love! I would never have it any other way. And I will forever cherish this season that I have gotten to meet Colby, fall in love with him and realize that we could not live without each other. And if the Lord did ask me to choose between one or the other, my love for Colby FAR outweighs the other, no question. Colby prayed with me and supported me through this process of how and when and what God wanted to make out of this. I leaned on him like crazy. Sometimes I feel like I put him through hell, and yet to me he was heaven on earth. With all the questions and doubts and reaching out I tried to do, but never really got anywhere, yet still he was there. And there he stayed…a solid rock, comforting and reassuring me always, that God is in control…wait on Him. Colby has been Jesus to me in countless ways. And I know not just to me, but a lot of others too. I can’t even put down in writing how freakishly blessed I am to have him as my soon-to-be husband. Sometimes I look at him now and all I can think is, ‘seriously Lord? This is him? I get to keep him? Oooohhh myyyy…’
However my heart longed. Longed for Jesus to use my hands again. To feel tears run down my cheeks again, from watching a man and woman see their daughter or son for the first time. I know that this is something that I have seen a lot of young men and woman struggle with….they feel as if they have their “calling”, then fall in love and everything changes. They don’t know how to balance the two…what if my partner doesn’t feel called to this? How do the both of us stay in the Lord’s will when we feel called to different things? I know I still feel that God is asking me to open up clinics around the world, what if this isn’t something Colby feels called to? How do I submit and respect my husband but still live in nothing but complete obedience to the Lord and what He is had called me to do?
Even though Colby is completely surrendered to the Lord and would go anywhere and do anything for Him and for me…I still wondered… ‘Would it be fair for Colby to feel that he is just following me around the world? I do not want this, Lord.’ I cried out day and night. Lord, How can I do both??? Show me.

Well, lets just say, He wrapped the answer in a box, put a huge red bow on it and threw in on my doorstep…

Addressed:
“To: You (you know who you are)”
“Love: Your Papa God who loves you.”

That’s when I met the two midwives who would take me under their wings, full of wisdom, patience and love. And who would teach me everything they know. That’s when the births started coming…one right after another….